Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Character

Narrator

21 comics feature this characterNewest first Most popular Oldest first

Popularity rank 1 #223. K-ville waiting

February 26, 1998

NARRATOR: The tenters' migration is nearly over, and there is a sens of tension in Krzyzewskiville. This final day of waiting is compelling. The emotion of it all is breathtaking.

A pause.

A pause.

NARRATOR: Sadly, it does not translate terribly well to cartoon format.

This portion of today's "Johnny" has been bought for advertising space:

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Popularity rank 2 #171. Odd couple

November 11, 1997

BEN: Good luck on biochem. BYE. OK, sweetie. OK. BYE.
JOHNNY: You and Jen are so DIFFERENT. I don't know how you get along.

BEN: I dunno, she's everything I want, she's everything I'm not. She the scientist, I the artist. And TOGETHER we're RIGHT.
NOTE: * Ben Folds Five

BEN: I'm form to her function. We're truth and beauty. I'm the script and she's the stage directions.

NARRATOR: 7 hours and 2,520 metaphors later...
BEN: We're Turner & Hooch! Dharma & Greg! Tony Maseli & Angela!
JOHNNY: Ben, I'm gonna miss my 9:10...

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Popularity rank 3 #107. The “if-only”s

May 1, 1997

NARRATOR: The "if-only"s....
JOHNNY: If only I'd been MORE mediocre.
WILLIAM: If only I was a more interesting character than my computer...
STU: Oh, sir....

BEN: If only we'd featured my Nan poster more...
JEN: If only this strip had ONE reoccurring female character.
LABEL: Ben's girlfriend. Was in one strip.
MO: If only we had opposable thumbs...
LABEL: Well-placed table.
FRATMAN: If only I'd thrown parties with lots of Eighties and techno music, awkward dancing and cases of Milwaukee's Best.... Oh, wait.

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Popularity rank 4 #95. Meet William’s computer, STU

April 15, 1997

NARRATOR: Meet William's computer.
STU: Excuse me, sir?

STU: Shouldn't you finish your problem set that's due in four hours, rather than play solitaire?

WILLIAM: Well, yeah I...
STU: Just a humble suggestion, sir.

WILLIAM: Never should've installed that freakin' artificial intelligence card...
STU: I also have some moral questions about this "Elle MacPherson" directory...

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Popularity rank 5 #85. The Land of Things That No Longer Exist

April 1, 1997

NARRATOR: Johnny has been proven not to exist...
JOHNNY: Where the hell am I? HEY! YOU!

JOHNNY: Where am I?
RALPH MACCHIO'S CAREER: "The Land of Things That No Longer Exist."

JOHNNY: Oh. Who are you?
RALPH MACCHIO'S CAREER: They call me: "Ralph Macchio's Career."

JOHNNY: Implying that...
RALPH MACCHIO'S CAREER: ... Ralph pretty much went down the crapper in 1989, yes.

1 view Like

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