Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Storyline

Ken Burns' Krzyzewskiville

Mo the Bat presents a nature documentary, in thrilling black and white, on the tenter: a majestic beast that migrates to K-ville each January.

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#219. Ken Burns’ Krzyzewskiville

February 20, 1998

MO: Good evening, I'm Mo the Bat. This week on "Johnny", we take a break from our normal "cartoon" format to bring you an EXCLUSIVE documentary. This week, we bring you, in thrilling BLACK-AND-WHITE...

TITLE: Ken Burns' KRZYZWESKIVILLE
NOTE: Brought to you by The Chum Group

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#220. K-ville tenters

February 23, 1998

MO NARRATOR: The "Tenter", a majestic beast who in mid-January embarks on a severe migratory pattern.
TENTER: Go to hell Carolina.

MO NARRATOR: Armed with only an inborn ability to stand in line, these mammals boldly face the elements for six long weeks.
TENTER: Go to hell Carolina.
TENTER: Go to hell Carolina.
TENTER: Go to hell Carolina.

MO NARRATOR: Groups of roughly fifteen tenters, calles "flocks", congregate in small nylon encolsures called "tents".
TENTERS: Go to hell Carolina.
TENTER: Go to hell Carolina.

MO NARRATOR: The reason for this bizarre behavior is unknown, but may be linked to a strange digestive process involving pizza, mud, and mass quantities of Bud Light.
TENTER: Go to hell Carolina.

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#221. K-ville monitors and tent checks

February 24, 1998

MO NARRATOR: Tenters are timid creatures with no natural enemies save the sinister "line monitor" species.

MO NARRATOR: These serpent-like predators appear without warning in a flash of fiery brimstone and howl their booming battle roar.
LINE MONITOR: TENT CHECK!!

MO NARRATOR: Helpless tenters scurry for shelter to avoid the deadly strike of the monitor.
LINE MONITOR: Tent 23's out!
TENTER: Noooooo! I'm here! I'm here!

MO NARRATOR: Their only defense is a preemptive maneuver known in tenting circles as a "bribe".
JOHNNY: You saw me here at 3:00 am this morning.
LINE MONITOR: Hsssss... Certainly did...

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#222. K-ville wristbands

February 25, 1998

MO NARRATOR: The tenters social structure seems to be centered on a small band of plumage around the wrist.

MO NARRATOR: The bands are normally shed in a few days. Scientists have found cryptic markings on the bands that seem-

MO NARRATOR: What luck! A male tenter has begun the elegant "I Got a Wristband and You Didn't" or "Nyah na Nyah na Nana" dance.

MO NARRATOR: The female seems to be beginning the "I'll Show You What You Can Do With Your Freakin' Wristbands, Mr. Soon to Be Singing' Soprano" dance, which due to legal reasons, we cannot show in its entirety.

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#223. K-ville waiting

February 26, 1998

NARRATOR: The tenters' migration is nearly over, and there is a sens of tension in Krzyzewskiville. This final day of waiting is compelling. The emotion of it all is breathtaking.

A pause.

A pause.

NARRATOR: Sadly, it does not translate terribly well to cartoon format.

This portion of today's "Johnny" has been bought for advertising space:

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