Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Storyline

Disney Buys Johnny

A big corporation buys the comic, fires Jen, takes away Ben’s cigarettes, and suspends all punchlines until the changes are done.

13 comicsFrom the beginning Most popular

#396. No punchline

April 6, 1999

BEN: Hey, where's Jen, we're supposed to do the cartoon together today.
JOHNNY: Didn't you hear? The new owners, they fired her.

JOHNNY: The whole strip was bought out by some big corporation. They're overhauling the whole thing. They've even suspended all punchlines till they've made their changes.

BEN: How can you have a cartoon with no PUNCHLINE?

A pause

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#397. Ben’s new look

April 7, 1999

JOHNNY: Ben! Your hair! Your goatee! What happened!
BEN: The new management gave me a "new look". I can't smoke now either...

JOHNNY: What's with these people?! They're changing this whole strip!
BEN: They gave me these "patches" insTEAD.

JOHNNY: Ohmigod, Ben, doncha see what's happening?!
SOUND: click

JOHNNY: The plot it's THICKENING!
BEN: How'm I supposed to light these?

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#398. Happy Nick and Mo

April 8, 1999

JOHNNY: Mo! Nick! Why do you guys look so DAMN happy?
MO: We're not really happy, Johnny. It's the management.

MO: They strapped these things to our heads to make us look CUTER, said we'd be more marketable.
NICK: And they rubbed raw eggs on me to make my fur shiny.

JOHNNY: WAIT. Cute, furry animals? Cleancut, marketable characters? Oh, my GOD!

JOHNNY: We've been bought by DISNEY!
NICK: Johnny, you got any VISINE? I haven't blinked in 74 hours...

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#399. Bought by Disney

April 9, 1999

JOHNNY: So it's Disney, Ben, DISNEY. I can't believe what they've turned this strip into.

BEN: I dunno, Johnny, before the changes: I had a GIRL, a cool HAIRDO, the world was my oyster. But I was always DEPRESSED.

BEN: But NOT, they've fired Jen, my life is a SHAMBLES, and yet... my DEPRESSION is... gone.

BEN: I think unhappiness... makes me happy.
JOHNNY: WOW. Some lucky psych major's gonna get a master's thesis outta you...

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#400. Less Duke-centric

April 12, 1999

JOHNNY: Jay, here're the top ten better places to live than TRENT: 1. ON the Mongolian Grill, 2. Bill Burig's navel, 3. Two words: lemur dung, 4. the...

DIRECTOR: OK! CUT! Cut, people! Johnny, I'm Mike from Disney. To give the strip a BROADER appeal, we're replacing all "Duke" references with vague PRONOUNS.

JOHNNY: Um... oh, OK.
DIRECTOR: GREAT! OK, take 2, people!

JOHNNY: Um, Jay, here's the top ten better places to live than, uh, THERE: 1. Um... THERE, UH, 2. in HIS navel, 3. um... uh, animal crap... 4. THERE, oh, just forget it...

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