Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Storyline

Meet the Cast

Johnny welcomes readers with holographic “smart” comics, his vital statistics, his roommates, and two members of the animal kingdom.

8 comicsFrom the beginning Most popular

#37. Welcome

January 15, 1997

JOHNNY: Greetings, readers! Shalom and welcome to the exciting world of "Johnny"! I'm the main character of the strip, Jonathan G. Williams. You may remember me from my earlier work in the Chronicle, such as "Guy Watching TV" or "Guy at the Airport"...

JOHNNY: Right now, I'm in Charlotte, NC, standing outside of "Johnny" headquarters, where the strip is conceived, written and performed...

JOHNNY: Inside, writers, artists, and interpretive dancers work long hours to give YOU, the consumer, all the cartoon enjoyment you deserve!

JOHNNY: Remember our slogan: "If it's high-quality, state of the art cartooning you want, well, we just can't help you... but if it's cheap, quick humor you want, then brother, WE'RE FULL OF IT." Or, more simply, "We're full of it." Good night and God bless.
NOTE: Last panel of the wordiest strip ever.

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#38. Welcome to the exposition

January 16, 1997

JOHNNY: These next few strips will acquaint you, the reader, with "Johnny"'s many characters. Sort of an exposition, if you will...
LABEL: "Casual Johnny" available from Mattel

JOHNNY: For this special event, we have prepared 3-D, laser-guided, virtual reality, Internet-ready holographic "smart" comics (Windows 95 compatible) which allow the reader to interact with the cartoon in a real-time 3-D environment!
LABEL: "Excited Johnny", also available

JOHNNY: They're really quite incredible.
LABEL: "Whimsically Thoughtful Johnny" available only through this special offer
LABEL: AS SEEN ON TV! CALL NOW! SOLD SO FAR: 0

JOHNNY: Of course, we only MADE two of the things, so most of you won't actually get to SEE the... well, the "plain" strips are nice, too, very low in fat...
LABEL: "Johnny in Repose" now on display at the John Paul Getty museum

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#39. The stats

January 19, 1997

NARRATOR: Height: 5'10". Weight: 175 lbs. Hair color: light brown.

NARRATOR: GPA: 2.54. Favorite TV show: Seinfeld. Siblings: 1.73. Not a NC resident.
LABEL: Slowly rotating!

NARRATOR: Ethnic Makeup: 75% Caucasian, 11.4% Asian-American, 8.4% African-American, 3.7% Hispanic, 1.5% other.

NARRATOR: Johnny Williams: An average Duke student.
JOHNNY: Aside from the fact I'm 2-D and my eyeballs are the size of West Texas...

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#40. Johnny’s room

January 20, 1997

JOHNNY: Here's my room, I'm in a triple. My roommates and I are so similar it's freaky...

JOHNNY: What's up, guys?
BEN: Um, not much... HEY, what do you think: does man need religion? I say yes, William sez no...

JOHNNY: Uh, WELL, I, uh, I don't think that... I mean, it DEPENDS...

JOHNNY: Frankly, I think this is far too much ground to cover in the exposition!
BEN: He THINKS! He THINKS! I THINK I have a paper due in 30 minutes!

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#41. Meet William

January 21, 1997

JOHNNY: This here's one of my roommates, William.

JOHNNY: Ol' William here is a computer science major. Ain't that right, Will?
WILLIAM: It's William. And yes.

JOHNNY: Yeah, William's great. He's really, I mean, you know, he's a real.... I, uh, well, socially, I mean, WOW! It's, you know, uh...

WILLIAM: I'm a @%#?/! NERD, all right, Johnny? Now can I get back to my Duke Nukem game?
JOHNNY: YOU KNOW, I was TRYING to shy away from words like that...

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