Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Storyline

Johnny the Art Critic

Called on in art class to describe a Van Gogh, Johnny blurts out two words, and the art world can’t get enough of him.

10 comicsFrom the beginning Most popular

#209. Art class comment

February 6, 1998

JOHNNY: DON'T call on me, DON'T call on me, DON'T ca-
TEACHER: WILLIAMS, how would YOU describe this Van Gogh?

JOHNNY: UH, I, AH,... (GULP). How about... PLAYFULLY IRONIC?
NOTE: You own a mirror.

NARRATOR: A moment of nerve-wracking silence.

TEACHER: YES, excellent! NOW on to slide 47...
JOHNNY: I think I may have stumbled ONto something here...
NOTE: To be CONTINUED!

0 views Like

#210. Brilliant art criticism

February 9, 1998

NARRATOR: After class...
TEACHER: WILLIAMS, could you come here?
JOHNNY: Uh-oh...

TEACHER: Your comment WAS... so INSIGHTFUL. What do you feel about these De Koonings?
JOHNNY: YEAH... uh...

JOHNNY: Uh... MAYBE... whimsically SUBTLE... comfortably ORDERED and, UH, joyfully... daunting.

TEACHER: BRILLIANT! GENIUS!
JOHNNY: They also bear a STRIKING resemblance to PIG vomit...

0 views Like

#211. Gonna be an art history major

February 10, 1998

JOHNNY: WILLIAM! I have an INCREDIBLE power! By simply pairing a random ADVERB and a random ADJECTIVE, I candescribe ANY piece of art!

JOHNNY: So get the ACES lady on line 3, William, I'm gonna be an ART HISTORY major!

WILLIAM: I can't do that, Johnny.
JOHNNY: DAMMIT all to hell, William! Can't you support my dreams ONCE!? Just ONCE?! You selfish BASTARD!

JOHNNY: WHEN, God?! WHEN will I be free to LIVE my LIFE?! WHE-e-en?!
WILLIAM: I... I just meant we don't HAVE a line 3... ...is all I meant.

0 views Like

#212. Speak at an art critics’ convention

February 11, 1998

TEACHER: Williams, are you FREE Thursday night? I'd like you to speak at an ART CRITICS' convention.

JOHNNY: SIR, aren't I a little YOUNG? INEXPERIENCED?
TEACHER: Oh, SURE, but you're HOT, Williams! YOUR insight is the TALK of the DEPARTMENT! It's just SO... SO...

JOHNNY: Fruitfully RHYTHMIC?
TEACHER: YES! Yes. Oh, your words just DESTROY me.

0 views Like

#213. Johnny’s art critics’ convention speech

February 12, 1998

JOHNNY: Here we go... ladies and gentlemen...

JOHNNY: Kandinsky's early work... dutifully charming. Pollock... fancifully understated. Lichtenstein... frighteningly moot.

JOHNNY: (GULP) Thank you.

SOUND: (thunderous) APPLAUSE clap clap clap
JOHNNY: So much for the educated artworld.

1 view Like

Keep reading

Related storylines

Most popular comics…

Porter Mason holding up his book Cute Animals for Flawed People, The Complete Roonie the Rabbit, Book 1

My other comic, in print

Cute Animals for Flawed People

Roonie the Rabbit is the comic strip I'm drawing these days, and this is its first book: 301 comics about all your little emotional vulnerabilities.

The Roonie the Rabbit cast in a row

Also by Porter Mason

Roonie the Rabbit on Patreon

Join free to get all my latest comics by email, or for $5 a month get exclusive comics and every new comic a week early.

Join the Patreon