Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Storyline

Johnny the Art Critic

10 comicsFrom the beginning Most popular

#214. Offer to be an art history professor

February 13, 1998

TEACHER: Now, WILLIAMS, after that lecture, I know you'll be getting LOTS of offers, but consider being a professor here at DUKE, after all, we put you on the MAP!

JOHNNY: PROFESSOR!? But I'm an UNDERGRADUATE!
TEACHER: Oh, PISH POSH. How do you feel about MANET?

JOHNNY: UH... decisively convoluted.
TEACHER: THERE! There's your thesis!

JOHNNY: That's not even a SENTENCE!
TEACHER: OH, it just needs a helping verb or two, we'll get a grad student to polish it...

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#215. Are you tenured already?

February 16, 1998

BEN: Hey Johnny...
JOHNNY: That's DR. Williams, boys, you're looking at Duke's newest PROFESSOR OF ART HISTORY!

WILLIAM: No WAY! You're joking!
BEN: That's hilarious! Are you TENURED already, too?

JOHNNY: NO, Ben, I don't have TENURE, let's get a little serious.

JOHNNY: The paperwork for that may take a week... OO, I gotta teach a CLASS at 11:50! Which one is EAST Duke again?

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#216. Art critic magazine covers

February 17, 1998

MAGAZINE: Smithsonian - Duke's Dr. John Williams turns the artworld on its collective ear.
MAGAZINE: Arts Illustrated - We're enigmatically intrigued about Duke
MAGAZINE: DogWorld - Duke's hunky Ph.D. Johnny Williams gives 10 tips on puppy grooming

JOHNNY: I had the COSMO cover in the bag, too, until CINDY CRAWFORD pointed out I wasn't a WOMAN. The slut.

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#217. Johnny the art critic is a fraud

February 18, 1998

TEACHER: Sir, I need an opinion on a piece, it's-
JOHNNY: Oh, I LIKE it, blindingly off-tempo.

TEACHER: WHAT? NO, no, the piece is in my OFFICE, this is just the COMICS section, I- WAIT!

TEACHER: No art critic would EVER stoop so low as to even ACKNOWLEDGE a, UGH, comic strip as ART!
JOHNNY: (whistling)

TEACHER: GET OUT OF THIS OFFICE, YOU PHONY!
JOHNNY: But, I, uh, eloquently beguiled! Intensely banal! Noooo! Can I keep the pens?

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#218. BC walkway stench

February 19, 1998

BEN: SO, they revoked your position because of the CARTOON comment.
JOHNNY: Yep. I played the artworld like it was a game of MADLIBS, but the game is up.

BEN: Your life ruined by a cartoon.
JOHNNY: Yeah, what a powerful medium.

A pause.

BEN: Speaking of POWERFUL, that BC walkway stench is in RARE FORM tonight...
JOHNNY: Mmm... adamantly potent...

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