Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Narrator

21 comics feature this characterNewest first Most popular Oldest first

Popularity rank 11 #39. The stats

January 19, 1997

NARRATOR: Height: 5'10". Weight: 175 lbs. Hair color: light brown.

NARRATOR: GPA: 2.54. Favorite TV show: Seinfeld. Siblings: 1.73. Not a NC resident.
LABEL: Slowly rotating!

NARRATOR: Ethnic Makeup: 75% Caucasian, 11.4% Asian-American, 8.4% African-American, 3.7% Hispanic, 1.5% other.

NARRATOR: Johnny Williams: An average Duke student.
JOHNNY: Aside from the fact I'm 2-D and my eyeballs are the size of West Texas...

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Popularity rank 12 #34. Summer jobs

November 6, 1996

NARRATOR: Summer jobs. Some flip burgers...
LABEL: Heat lines

NARRATOR: Or work as office boys...
LABEL: Tiny text lines

NARRATOR: Some save lives...
LABEL: Motion lines

NARRATOR: But all for the same noble purpose...
JOHNNY: You mean we're ALL trying to get money to impress chicks?
NARRATOR: NO! You're upholding the tradition of the America work ethic!
JOHNNY: Oh... so what about the chicks?
NARRATOR: Just, just forget it.

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Popularity rank 13 #31. Meet Johnny and Mo (alternate)

November 3, 1996

NARRATOR: Two characters, both alike in dignity...

NARRATOR: In fair li'l Durham, where we lay our scene...
Note: End of lame Shakespeare parody...

NARRATOR: One, a human. The other, a bat. Both equally marketable as potential Happy Meal toys.

NARRATOR: And so, a strip is born, and with it, new hope. Hope for a brighter future.
JOHNNY: One with easier orgo tests...
MO: Ay, there's the rub...

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Popularity rank 14 #30. Meet Johnny (alternate)

November 2, 1996

NARRATOR: Consider if you will: an average Duke student. His name: Johnny Williams.
NARRATOR: He is normal in every respect. He IS the status quo.

NARRATOR: Why then has he been chosen to start in a big budget daily comic?

A pause.

JOHNNY: Well?!
NARRATOR: Hold on... I'm thinking...

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Popularity rank 15 #25. How to write a research paper

September 1, 1994

Hey Kids! This Month: An Exciting Instructional Cartoon Entitled: "How to Write a Research Paper!" Starring

Johnny!

NARRATOR: Step 1: Picking a Topic. This can be accomplished with the help of a teacher or librarian, or you can try to come up with one on your own.
ENGLISH TEACHER: Im afriad, John, that O.J. Simpson is just not considered a contemporary American writer.
JOHNNY: Shoot, man.
LABEL: Johnny's lovable new catchphrase.
Johnny holds a book, "I Want to Tell You".

NARRATOR: Step 2: Research. Libraries can yield a wealth of information, but in our modern times, be careful not to overlook other media.
VIDEO PALACE EMPLOYEE: I don't believe any Langston Hughes books have been made into movies, sir.
JOHNNY: Check on Jack Kerouac...

NARRATOR: Step 3: Take a Deep Breath. On to Step 4: Formulating a Thesis. Run your thesis by your teacher before you begin to write!
JOHNNY: From reading the various writings of contemporary writer Langston Hughes, one may or may not assume that through his writings Hughes was able to write in such a manner that one could infer the writer writing the writings was contemporary writer Langston Hughes.

NARRATOR: Step 5: The Finished Product!
ENGLISH TEACHER: These are just blank pages!
JOHNNY: Oh really? Dang faulty printer...
EXTRA: Punctuation Corner: How many colons are in this cartoon? Answer: 8

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