Hey Kids! Despite numerous requests for a longer introduction, we begin this week with our first Instructional Cartoon entitled: How To Rush a Frat!
NARRATOR: Step 1: Strip yourself of all clothes, morals, personality, possessions, etc.
JOHNNY: I am now, as they say, a tabula rassa.
LABEL: Bucket filled with old morals & personality
NOTE: The Chronicle would like to note that Mason’s repeated use of nudity is for artistic reasons, so you’re not allowed to be offended.
NARRATOR: Step 2: Acquire NEW clothes, morals, personality, possesions, etc. from whichever frat you are rushing.
JOHNNY: Sez here I now support illegal immigration and roller hockey.
NOTE: Trivia Corner – When is the next Duke Roller Hockey event? February 1st
NARRATOR: Step 3: Consume a great deal of alcohol to get rid of pesky self-respect.
JOHNNY: Where’s all the hot girls like in the commercials?
LABEL: In drunken stupor!
NOTE: We here at “Johnny” do not condone drinking at all, so don’t do it. And don’t do drugs. And always wear a condom. And no more than 10 items if you’re in the express lane. Thanks you
NARRATOR: Step 4: Rinse and repeat as necessary.
BEN: Doesn’t this seem remarkably like COMMUNISM?
JOHNNY: Yes, but step three makes is as American as apple pie and Social Security!