Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

All Comics

414 comicsNewest first Most popular Oldest first

#414. Bob the pirate

August 15, 1999

NARRATOR: A character I never got to introduce: Bob the Pirate.
BEN: Jen! What's the symbol for "radius" of a circle?

JEN: I dunno dear... Hey! Let's ask Bob the Pirate!

JEN: Bob the Pirate, what's the symbol for radius?
BOB THE PIRATE: Aaaar!

JEN: Really? What's the 18th letter of the alphabet? Conjugate "to be" for "they". What's the 1st person plural possessive pronoun?
BOB THE PIRATE: Aaar! Aaar! Aaar!
NARRATOR: Man. He could've added so much to the strip. (sigh) We'll miss ya, Bob...

2 views Like

#413. Need a 93

August 1, 1999

JOHNNY: All right, in order to not fail this class, I need a 93 on this exam...

JOHNNY: It won't be easy, but I've studied for a week, and I know the material cold.

JOHNNY: NOW... only one thing stands in my way...

JOHNNY: The test is out of 50.
NOTE: OK. That's it. See ya. - Porter

1 view Like

#412. Desert dementia

July 15, 1999

JOHNNY: Why's this rock ROUNDED?
DR. PETER HAFF: Maybe spheroidal weathering? I'd have to look at it...

JOHNNY: It's real SMOOTH, too...
DR. PETER HAFF: Could be a ventifact, eroded by windblown sand...

JOHNNY: Ooo! And it's PLIABLE!
DR. PETER HAFF: That's... that's an old shoe.

JOHNNY: Mmhmm, so you think it's sedimentary?
DR. PETER HAFF: Johnny, when's the last time you had any WATER?

1 view Like

#411. Sleeping under the stars

July 1, 1999

JOHNNY: Yessir, I am sleeping under the start tonight! It's really the only way to camp out, I...

JOHNNY: Hey, look! Mountain lion tracks! COOL!!

A pause

JOHNNY: Yessir, sleeping in a locked van, really the ONLY way to camp out, I...

1 view Like

#410. Paying for Duke

June 15, 1999

MOM: Johnny, the financial aid papers came today. It doesn't look great...
JOHNNY: Oh, boy.

MOM: But we can do it; we'll work more hours, won't eat out...
JOHNNY: I'll get another job.

JOHNNY: WELL, it's gonna take a BIT more. Now, I've given this a LOT of thought. You're a HEALTHY kid, son...

MOM: And, you know, you only really NEED ONE kidney...

1 view Like

Keep reading

Most popular comics…

Porter Mason holding up his book Cute Animals for Flawed People, The Complete Roonie the Rabbit, Book 1

My other comic, in print

Cute Animals for Flawed People

Roonie the Rabbit is the comic strip I'm drawing these days, and this is its first book: 301 comics about all your little emotional vulnerabilities.

The Roonie the Rabbit cast in a row

Also by Porter Mason

Roonie the Rabbit on Patreon

Join free to get all my latest comics by email, or for $5 a month get exclusive comics and every new comic a week early.

Join the Patreon