Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

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#404. Wish it would go away

April 16, 1999

JOHNNY: This Disney stuff is CRAP! It's ruined my strip! I WISH IT'D ALL JUST GO AWAY!

SOUND: WOOSH

A pause

JOHNNY: And I wish I had a million dollars.

A pause

JOHNNY: Damn.

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#403. Fratman and Sorority Girl get ABC show

April 15, 1999

JOHNNY: Fratman, Sorority Girl. I can't imagine Disney thinks YOU'RE PC.
LABEL: Mickey overalls, yowza!

FRATMAN: Johnny, the management LOVES us! Our parents went to school with them. We ARE leaving though.

FRATMAN: They've asked us to host a new show on ABC. It's a cross between a home video show and a college drama.

FRATMAN: "America's Funniest Hook-ups"!
SORORITY GIRL: I'm also hosting a nature show called "When Charge Cards Attack"!

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#402. New STU

April 14, 1999

JOHNNY: STU! YOU haven't changed! At least YOU'RE still here to provide your smart yet naive spin on things!

STU: No, Johnny. They replaced my artificial intelligence with various Disney greeting card programs.

JOHNNY: So you can't say ANYTHING funny or quaint?!

STU: Not unless it involves the words: "Mulan", "Simba", or "Happy Anniversary", no...
JOHNNY: No, how could THAT ever be funny?
LABEL: Hey kids, it's ironic. Or IS it?

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#401. Tearing Johnny apart

April 13, 1999

JOHNNY: Look at me! This Disney thing is tearing me APART!
LABEL: Disney-issued "Big Fat Gloves"

JOHNNY: My friend's have been FIRED, our comic strip CHEAPENED, I don't have a GIRLFRIEND...
LABEL: Disney-issued plump bluebirds

FAKE BEN: Johnny, you didn't HAVE a girlfriend.
JOHNNY: I know. I was just on a ROLL. Do these gloves give you a RASH?
LABEL: Disney-issued aesthetically pleasing roommate.

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#400. Less Duke-centric

April 12, 1999

JOHNNY: Jay, here're the top ten better places to live than TRENT: 1. ON the Mongolian Grill, 2. Bill Burig's navel, 3. Two words: lemur dung, 4. the...

DIRECTOR: OK! CUT! Cut, people! Johnny, I'm Mike from Disney. To give the strip a BROADER appeal, we're replacing all "Duke" references with vague PRONOUNS.

JOHNNY: Um... oh, OK.
DIRECTOR: GREAT! OK, take 2, people!

JOHNNY: Um, Jay, here's the top ten better places to live than, uh, THERE: 1. Um... THERE, UH, 2. in HIS navel, 3. um... uh, animal crap... 4. THERE, oh, just forget it...

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