Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Storyline

The New Alcohol Policy

The frats stop serving beer at parties, so Johnny and William call Fratman, who has seen the future of fun: theme parties.

5 comicsFrom the beginning Most popular

#146. Return of Fratman

October 7, 1997

WILLIAM: Johnny, I'm concerned. What will the frats' new alcohol policies mean for ME, an average dork?
JOHNNY: I dunno, William, but I think I know who to call...

SOUND: SHAZAM!

WILLIAM AND JOHNNY: FRATMAN!
FRATMAN: Hullo, boys! Sorry I was so pokey; there was a sale at Abercrombie...
LABEL: White Hat of Justice!

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#147. No beer at parties?!

October 8, 1997

JOHNNY: NO BEER AT PARTIES?! Fratman! SAY IT AIN'T SO!
FRATMAN: The times are a' changin', Johnny...

JOHNNY: But what about the frats' self-proclaimed position of social "NOBILITY" at Duke? Your LEPER-like treatment of independents? What about your huge EGOS? Your BOY'S CLUB mentality? Your cornering of the WOMEN market?

FRATMAN: That'll ALL still be here!
JOHNNY: I KNOW! But I only put up with it NOW 'cuz I get free BEER!

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#148. The future is theme parties

October 9, 1997

FRATMAN: Johnny, we have SEEN the future, and it is THEME PARTIE! This is Jerry, our theme cosultant.

FRATMAN: Given ANY topic, he can develop a party NAME, and justify using STROBES, BLACK LIGHTS, and 80'S MUSIC!

JOHNNY: Really? How 'bout... "Full House"?

CONSULTANT: "The Full HOUSE PARTY". Strobes show the duality of the OLSEN TWINS, black lights 'cuz Bob Sahet's EVIL, and play D.J. Jazzy Jeff. Don't waste my time. TIME?
JOHNNY: He's good...
FRATMAN: 6.36 seconds!

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#149. I guess you can have fun without alcohol

October 10, 1997

JOHNNY: Wow, Fratman, I guess you really CAN have fun without alcohol...
BIZARRO FRATMAN: See?
FRATMAN: STOP RIGHT THERE!

JOHNNY: What the... ANOTHER Fratman?
FRATMAN: The REAL Fratman. This PUNK got me lost in foreign territory: PERKINS! He stole the W.H.O.J. and he's been causing TROUBLE ever since.
LABEL: Hathead!
NOTE: W.H.O.J. - White Hat of Justice

FRATMAN: His name's BIZARRO Fratman. We're IDENTICAL except HE doesn't uphold the seventh TENET of Frathood: "Thou shalt give BEER to freshmen. GIRLS. Who are HOT." Poor, sick bastard.
JOHNNY: How do I know you're the REAL one?

FRATMAN: DUH. I speak in GREEK LETTERS. 'Sides, he's got on OUTLET clothes. BLECH.
JOHNNY: OOOoooh.
BIZARRO FRATMAN: HEY! This is J. Crew, baby!

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#150. Fratman sets it straight

October 13, 1997

FRATMAN: Well, Johnny, I think we've learned some IMPORTANT lessons. FIRST: NEVER go to Perkins. 'Cuz you might lose your hat.

FRATMAN: AND we saw the horrors of "dry" parties. NEVER FORGET: themes are ONLY interesting if you're WASTED. And even THEN, they're only so-so.

FRATMAN: Strange fellow, that Bizarro Fratman. Ran off to some IFC meeting...

JOHNNY: D'you catch his NAME?
FRATMAN: Tom So... Sow... Sow... Something.

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