Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Character

Nick the Squirrel

45 comics feature this characterNewest first Most popular Oldest first

Popularity rank 1 #398. Happy Nick and Mo

April 8, 1999

JOHNNY: Mo! Nick! Why do you guys look so DAMN happy?
MO: We're not really happy, Johnny. It's the management.

MO: They strapped these things to our heads to make us look CUTER, said we'd be more marketable.
NICK: And they rubbed raw eggs on me to make my fur shiny.

JOHNNY: WAIT. Cute, furry animals? Cleancut, marketable characters? Oh, my GOD!

JOHNNY: We've been bought by DISNEY!
NICK: Johnny, you got any VISINE? I haven't blinked in 74 hours...

1 view Like

Popularity rank 2 #291. Aerobics

October 14, 1998

NICK: Still musing about those people down there in the Chapel?
MO: NOPE, I figured 'em out.

MO: THINK ABOUT IT! They come sit, stand, and kneel in unison, break for a carbo boost of bread and wine, lift those heavy books!

MO: Don't you see?

MO: They're doin' LOW-IMPACT AEROBICS!
NICK: So there's SPANDEX under all those dress clothes.

1 view Like

Popularity rank 3 #290. Paradise in Edens

October 13, 1998

MO: SO, humans used to live in this perfect garden paradise in Edens.
NICK: Edens, huh? You would think Main West.

MO: Then some snake told 'em to eat fruit, and God got all pissed and made all the humans all cranky.

NICK: TALKING ANIMALS? That's a little ABSURD.
MO: SEE, I thought you were SUPPOSED to eat fruit. This "God" seems to support scurvy.

1 view Like

Popularity rank 4 #289. Dominion over all animals

October 12, 1998

MO: Mmm...
NICK: What?

MO: WELL, sez in here that humans have "dominion over" all animals.

NICK: HUMANS have more power than US?
MO: That's what it sez.

NICK: But WE'RE the ones who get to walk around NAKED!
MO: That's what I'M sayin'. You know, this WHOLE BOOK is sorta PREACHY.

1 view Like

Popularity rank 5 #287. Bible

October 8, 1998

NICK: What's that?
MO: It's called "Ho-lee Bih-bull". There's tons of 'em down there. It might help us find out what they're doin'.

NICK: Well, what's it say?
MO: "In the beginning God created the heaven and the Earth."

NICK: The whole shebang, huh? Who's this "God" fella? Some sort of engineer?

MO: Is this fiction or nonfiction? There's no book jacket?
NICK: I just don't see the cosmos coming outta those kids in TEER...

1 view Like

Keep reading

Most popular comics…

Porter Mason holding up his book Cute Animals for Flawed People, The Complete Roonie the Rabbit, Book 1

My other comic, in print

Cute Animals for Flawed People

Roonie the Rabbit is the comic strip I'm drawing these days, and this is its first book: 301 comics about all your little emotional vulnerabilities.

The Roonie the Rabbit cast in a row

Also by Porter Mason

Roonie the Rabbit on Patreon

Join free to get all my latest comics by email, or for $5 a month get exclusive comics and every new comic a week early.

Join the Patreon