Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Character

STU the Computer

27 comics feature this characterNewest first Most popular Oldest first

Popularity rank 1 #409. STU and blackmail

June 1, 1999

STU: Johnny! How are you? You have new mail! How about some solitaire?
JOHNNY: Mmm...

STU: Long day?
JOHNNY: Mmm...
STU: Long week?
JOHNNY: Mmm...

STU: I could also call up swimsuit.photos.com/nude/ again? I saved that password...

JOHNNY: I thought we deleted all record of that afternoon?!
STU: I know you dd! I've got three gigs of the D: drive devoted just to blackmail!

1 view Like

Popularity rank 2 #407. Jokes about beer

April 21, 1999

GOD: It's ALL been you, Johnny. Ben, your roommate, who values nonconformity as much as you do conformity. Jen, the girl you want and everyone else seems to have.

GOD: Jay, who put words to your unspoken relationship troubles. Even STU, the computer, was a manifestation of your struggles to balance innocence with knowledge.

JOHNNY: So explain Fratman and Sorority Girl.

GOD: Look, people just like jokes about beer and hooking up, don't over-analyze things.

1 view Like

Popularity rank 3 #391. STU and morals

March 30, 1999

STU: Sir, how does one obtain MORALS?
JOHNNY: Well, STU, it's partly from upbringing, but a lot of it's from instinct.

STU: And would you say morality's a distinctively HUMAN quality?
JOHNNY: Oh, I'd say so.

STU: So, as a COMPUTER, I could really have no concept of "right" or "wrong".
JOHNNY: No, I guess not.

STU: And would you sign a written statement to that effect?
JOHNNY: WHAT? Why- are these NUCLEAR LAUNCH CODES? BAD STU!! BAD STU!!
SOUND: sniff

1 view Like

Popularity rank 4 #374. Investor on the phone

February 26, 1999

JOHNNY: STU! It's an INVESTOR on the phone! He wants to know exactly what e-WebNET.com DOES!

STU: HEAVENS! He's calling our bluff! Go to Plan "A": CONFUSE THEM!

JOHNNY: Um, yes, WELL... uh, JAVA, and... ah, you know, um, PARALLEL PROCESSING... uh, INTEGRATED network based, uh, PAPERLESS OFFICE... and, uh, DVD!

JOHNNY: It's not working! He knew what DVD stood for!
STU: A net company's worst nightmare: AN INFORMED LAYMAN! Quickly! Start speaking in "1"'s and "0"'s!

1 view Like

Popularity rank 5 #372. Johnny’s a CEO

February 24, 1999

STU: Sir, I'll be happy to run e-WebNET.com behind the scenes, but we'll need some humans to publicly represent us.

STU: Do YOU have any business experience?

JOHNNY: UM, I got a "C" in ECON 51.

STU: Congrats, you're the new CEO.
JOHNNY: Hey, I FAILED ethics, can I be our LEGAL representation too?
SOUND: sniff

1 view Like

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