Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Storyline

STU Wants a Body

STU wishes his body matched his intelligence, so William orders from a catalog of android parts. A full human body is a little over budget.

5 comicsFrom the beginning Most popular

#126. Does this screen saver make me look fat?

September 9, 1997

STU: Sir, does this screen saver make me look fat?
WILLIAM: WHAT?

STU: These horizontal lines, do they make my motherboard look big?
WILLIAM: WHAT? STU, what's wrong?

STU: Nothing really, sir. It's just sometimes I wish my physical manifestation more accurately reflected my intelligence quotient.

WILLIAM: Please repeat that on a UNC reading level for me.
STU: Me want a human body real real a lot, sir.

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#127. Android body parts catalog

September 10, 1997

WILLIAM: Well, STU, I picked up a catalog of android body parts!
STU: Faboo, sir!

STU: Oh, look! Here's the whole package! A FULL human body complete with ALL five sense organs AND plug 'n' play limbs!
COMPUTER SCREEN: cover of Pinkerton by Weezer

WILLIAM: Only $13,999,999,95 plus S+H.
BOOK: Human Body Parts 'r' Us: Get on our mailing list. Please. We got tons of these things. It's getting kinda crowded in here.

WILLIAM: Maybe there's a TOENAIL section we could look at or something.
STU: Oo, "The Booty 2000: The only electronic ass with full network support."

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#129. STU’s nose is delivered

September 12, 1997

WILLIAM: GUESS who stopped by the "Android Parts" section in Circuit City today?
STU: REALLY, sir? What is it? An ARM? Perchance a COLON?
BOX: The Ol' Factory

WILLIAM: It's a NOSE! Cool, huh?
STU: Oh. Or rather, OH! Ah, NEAT, ah, sir.
COMPUTER: Cover of Pinkerton by Weezer

SOUND: click sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff

WILLIAM: Well? Thoughts, comments?
STU: The word "PENULTIMATE" comes to mind, sir. OH, and I'd suggest a stronger mouthwash.
SOUND: sniff sniff

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#130. Trying out the electronic nose

September 15, 1997

JOHNNY: ALL my people right here right no- oh, hey, STU, what's new?

STU: WELL, sir bought me an electronic nose to quell my desire for A BODY. Now he's creating smells to initialize the thing.
SOUND: sniff

WILLIAM: STU, this has a hint of rosemary in it, see if that does much for you- oh, hey, Johnny. I borrowed your tennis shoes.
SOUND: sniff sniff

JOHNNY: NO, I meant more like: "Did I get any calls?"
STU: Oh, and I've started wearing Polo Sport...
SOUND: sniff sniff

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#131. Of course I like the nose

September 16, 1997

STU: No messages, sir, no. Of COURSE I like the nose, sir. NO, no, nothing, sir. Really. REALLY. OK. OK. Bye, sir.
SOUND: (click) sniff sniff

SOUND: sniff sniff

SOUND: (click) dialtone beep bop boop boop beep bop bop boop beep bop boop (telephone) ring (telephone) ring

STU: Yes, I've got a coupon for one electronic ASS. Yes, the BOOTY 2000. Ah, x-large. With the optional SCRATCHING component. That's WILLIAM STANLEY...

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