Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Storyline

The Duke in Cyberspace Program

William goes abroad to Duke in Cyberspace, gives up his body to become digital bits, and emails home a message the size of his soul.

6 comicsFrom the beginning Most popular

#265. William’s going abroad

July 1, 1998

JOHNNY: Ben! William's going abroad next semester! It's some Microsoft thing.
BEN: What?!
NOTE: Today's phrase is plot twist.

JOHNNY: It's the "Duke in Cyberspace" program. Sez he'll lose all physical form, his soul becoming a series of digital bits, blah blah BLAH. ANYWAY, looks like we got a double now.
BEN: Cool.

JOHNNY: Say, did you maybe upset him somehow?
BEN: Well, he WAS mad when he found out we used to have a MAC. Why?

JOHNNY: He refers to you here only as "The Infidel".
BEN: We were YOUNG, dammit! IBM's were expensive! Will we never live it down, God?!

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#317. Message from William

November 19, 1998

STU: New message, Johnny, from William Stanley.
SOUND: sniff

JOHNNY: OH! Our old roommate! Your owner! The CPS major who's in the "Duke in Cyberspace" program and exists now only as a series of digital bits! Why's it taking so long?
NOTE: Expository panel

STU: He attached his entire soul and being as a file.
JOHNNY: Oh. WOW.
SOUND: sniff sniff

JOHNNY: He could've just sent a quick "hello"...
STU: I hope his soul converts to Word...

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#318. Meet CyberWilliam

November 20, 1998

WILLIAM: Greetings, Johnny. I am the being once known as "William".

JOHNNY: WILLIAM! So how's "Duke in Cyberspace"?
WILLIAM: Well, I visit you on a mission from the creator.

JOHNNY: The creator?
WILLIAM: You know him by many names: God, Giver of Life, Bill Gates...

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#319. People are too computer literate

November 23, 1998

WILLIAM: Johnny, people are becoming too COMPUTER LITERATE.
JOHNNY: That's a PROBLEM?

WILLIAM: Computers were once the domain of a SELECT FEW! We were NEEDED! IN DEMAND! But, NOW... EVERYONE knows Java; everything's USER-FRIENDLY and PLUG 'N' PLAY!

WILLIAM: Computer nerds had ONE redeeming trait, but if EVERYBODY understands computers, what do WE become?
SOUND: sniff sniff

JOHNNY: Just... NERDS.
WILLIAM: People don't keep us around just because we play "MYST" well, Johnny!

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#320. How computer literacy can be stopped

November 24, 1998

JOHNNY: So, William, how can this plague of computer literacy be stopped?
WILLIAM: Well, we've already started to fight it on a large scale.

WILLIAM: The year 2000 bug is our MASTERPIECE. We estimate it needlessly scares 10,000 PEOPLE EVERY MINUTE! We're also developing a keyboard that shoots KNIVES at you while you type. VERY annoying...

WILLIAM: We need you to work on a GRASSROOTS level: accidentally erasing your TERM PAPERS, failing CPS 1, acting as though computers are run by MAGICAL ELVES.

WILLIAM: We need you to be as IGNORANT as possible!
JOHNNY: I think I've unwittingly put your plan into action YEARS ago!

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