Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Storyline

e-WebNET.com

STU starts an Internet company with no product or service, takes it public, and makes Johnny CEO on the strength of a C in Econ 51.

5 comicsFrom the beginning Most popular

#371. e-WebNET.com

February 23, 1999

STU: Johnny, sir, I don't think I've been pulling my weight around here financially.

STU: So, in my spare time last week, I created an Internet-based company: e-WebNET.com

STU: We've attracted a lot of interest, even though we've yet to provide any service or produce any product, and as of 8:00 AM today...

STU: We went public.
JOHNNY: WELL... this oughtta look good on the resume.

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#372. Johnny’s a CEO

February 24, 1999

STU: Sir, I'll be happy to run e-WebNET.com behind the scenes, but we'll need some humans to publicly represent us.

STU: Do YOU have any business experience?

JOHNNY: UM, I got a "C" in ECON 51.

STU: Congrats, you're the new CEO.
JOHNNY: Hey, I FAILED ethics, can I be our LEGAL representation too?
SOUND: sniff

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#373. The web company’s a sham

February 25, 1999

BEN: Johnny, STU just told me about this web "company" you've started, it sounds like a SHAM!

JOHNNY: Ben, Internet companies are all based on POTENTIAL. Sure, e-WebNET.com SEEMS vague now, but think of the FUTURE!

BEN: The FUTURE!? Do you have ANY plans to have this company ever do ANYTHING tangible?

JOHNNY: Well... NO. But POTENTIALLY I could.
BEN: POTENTIALLY, you're the biggest moron Iknow... And I have friends at Carolina.

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#374. Investor on the phone

February 26, 1999

JOHNNY: STU! It's an INVESTOR on the phone! He wants to know exactly what e-WebNET.com DOES!

STU: HEAVENS! He's calling our bluff! Go to Plan "A": CONFUSE THEM!

JOHNNY: Um, yes, WELL... uh, JAVA, and... ah, you know, um, PARALLEL PROCESSING... uh, INTEGRATED network based, uh, PAPERLESS OFFICE... and, uh, DVD!

JOHNNY: It's not working! He knew what DVD stood for!
STU: A net company's worst nightmare: AN INFORMED LAYMAN! Quickly! Start speaking in "1"'s and "0"'s!

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#375. Bankrupt

March 1, 1999

BEN: Well, I heard e-WebNET.com went down the crapper.
JOHNNY: Yeah, we filed for bankruptcy this morning.

BEN: Well, you can't get something from nothing. I hope you learned a LESSON.

JOHNNY: Not really, I got a papercut filling out the forms. The government's giving me $30,000 in punitive damages.

JOHNNY: Unless the lesson was: "Every papercut has a silver lining."
BEN: You ask me why I smoke. THIS is why I smoke.

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