HEADLINE: Johnny B. Goode enough? Probably not
SUBHEAD: Candidate lacks drive, talent, and interest, overall, though, a fun guy

NARRATOR: What the Chronicle didn't print.

ARTICLE: … however, no formal charges were pressed.
"And I'll never buy cheap spaghetti again," he said.
Although never formally trained, Williams works as a professional belly dancer at several local Durham night spots through the University's work-study program.
As for academics, Johnny is still as of yet undecided major-wise, although Public Policy and Sociology sound appealing.
"Any field where I can successfully slack off and yet make money is what I'm looking for," said he, "and Public Policy sounds right up my alley. I mean, I love to pander, and I'm blindly idealistic."
Williams also dabbles in the …

ARTICLE: … despite "repeated warnings".
"All I'm saying," he said, "is that dogs shouldn't be allowed in the circus. It's a moral thing."
The operation involved seventy-two stitches, but Johnny insisted on no anesthesia.
At this point in the interview, Williams revealed that he had been lying much of the time. We found this engaging.
As for the rerelease of Star Wars, Johnny described the first film as "a delightful feast for the senses" and "an enchanting romp". Williams also used the words "fine holiday fun", but we refused to print them... DAMN! How did he do that? We really …

PHOTO: Johnny's portrait.
CAPTION: Vincent Del Negro/Glamour Shots. Johnny Williams

Transcript

HEADLINE: Johnny B. Goode enough? Probably not
SUBHEAD: Candidate lacks drive, talent, and interest, overall, though, a fun guy

NARRATOR: What the Chronicle didn't print.

ARTICLE: This is the eighth installment in a seven-part series profiling the candidates for DSG president. Tomorrow's profile will feature Trinity freshman Porter Mason for no good reason.
By BEN ROMERO
Trinity cartoon Jonathan G. Williams doesn't know much about Duke Student Government, and isn't willing to learn more.
"Frankly, I don't have the time," said Williams. "Baywatch is coming on in a half hour. Man, do I love Baywatch."
Jonathan would like to mention …
LOGO: Presidential Candidates. Duke Student Government. DSG.
ARTICLE: … and refuses to believe findings to the contrary.
"I know what I saw," he said, "and it wasn't no 'meteor shower'. I know the score; I've been to Roswell."
Williams is not active in many student organizations although he did say he really digs on "chicks who are involved."
When not "hanging out" or "goofing off", Williams likes to think of "cool ways" to sing Beatles' songs. A fan since '85, he especially enjoys "singing 'Yesterday' like I was Ghandi."
Williams' rendition of the …

ARTICLE: … however, no formal charges were pressed.
"And I'll never buy cheap spaghetti again," he said.
Although never formally trained, Williams works as a professional belly dancer at several local Durham night spots through the University's work-study program.
As for academics, Johnny is still as of yet undecided major-wise, although Public Policy and Sociology sound appealing.
"Any field where I can successfully slack off and yet make money is what I'm looking for," said he, "and Public Policy sounds right up my alley. I mean, I love to pander, and I'm blindly idealistic."
Williams also dabbles in the …

ARTICLE: … despite "repeated warnings".
"All I'm saying," he said, "is that dogs shouldn't be allowed in the circus. It's a moral thing."
The operation involved seventy-two stitches, but Johnny insisted on no anesthesia.
At this point in the interview, Williams revealed that he had been lying much of the time. We found this engaging.
As for the rerelease of Star Wars, Johnny described the first film as "a delightful feast for the senses" and "an enchanting romp". Williams also used the words "fine holiday fun", but we refused to print them... DAMN! How did he do that? We really …

PHOTO: Johnny's portrait.
CAPTION: Vincent Del Negro/Glamour Shots. Johnny Williams