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- NARRATOR: The “if-only”s….
- JOHNNY: If only I’d been MORE mediocre.
- WILLIAM: If only I was a more interesting character than my computer…
- STU: Oh, sir….
- BEN: If only we’d featured my Nan poster more…
- JEN: If only this strip had ONE reoccurring female character.
- LABEL: Ben’s girlfriend. Was in one strip.
- FRATMAN: If only I’d thrown parties with lots of Eighties and tchno music, awkward dancing and cases of Milwaukee’s Best…. Oh, wait.
- MO: If only we had opposable thumbs…
- LABEL: Well-placed table.