BEN: WE MADE IT! We’re at Ryan’s door, this wretched journey is over.
JOHNNY: I now realize the horror of war and stuff.
MATT DAMON: Yes?
BEN: Congratulations, you’re out of orgo, son.
MATT DAMON: Oh! COOL, thanks.
CREDITS: “Johnny and Ben Save Private Ryan” – A Porter Mason Film. Cast – Captain Miller: Ben Romero; Private Reiben: John Williams; Private Ryan: Matt Damon; Pika Bench: Pika Bench. Best Boy Grip – Monica Lewinsky. Lighting – God. Lead Singer of Weezer – Rivers Cuomo.
BEN: “COOL, THANKS”?! That’s IT?! In a weird, abstract way I almost DIED for you, MAN!!
JOHNNY: I bet that Damon won’t come to the cast party, either. Pretty boy…