Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Storyline

Carolina Goes to Hell

UNC-Chapel Hill is swallowed by a fiery hole, so Johnny and Ben drive over to have a look around. The parking is terrible.

6 comicsFrom the beginning Most popular

#137. Carolina goes to Hell

September 24, 1997

BEN: Look, Vanna is the GLUE that holds the show together.
WILLIAM: That's NOT the issue here!
JOHNNY: GUYS! Turn it to channel 40 quick!

TV: ...reports are SKETCHY, but it appears that the entire CAMPUS of UNC-Chapel Hill has been SWALLOWED up in a FIERY HOLE, let's go to-
NOTE: Info panel

JOHNNY: DON'T YOU SEE? Carolina's actually GONE to hell!
BEN: Wow.
WILLIAM: Yeah, WOW.
NOTE: Drama panel

JOHNNY: By the way, SAJAK's where the money is, Vannas just a letter-turning bimbo.
WILLIAM: That's whay I'M sayin'!
BEN: No, no, no...

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#138. Driving into Hell

September 25, 1997

JOHNNY: How're we supposed to just drive into hell?
BEN: Look, I GOTTA see this...

JOHNNY: WAIT, there's the exit. SEE, Chapel Hill's crossed out and it says "Pits of Hell".
BEN: All right. Here we go.

JOHNNY: Here's another sign: "Warning: Construction Road May Turn to Molten Lava."
SOUND: Squint!

BEN: Should I have CHAINS on or something?
JOHNNY: NAH, nah... you're insured, right?

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#139. Entering Hell

September 26, 1997

BEN: Well, THAT took forever. There is just NO parking in hell.
JOHNNY: Remember, we're in "Attila the Hun" 17...

BEN: Hi, we'd like to-
DEVIL: Time of death?

BEN: That's the thing, actually we're still alive, we just want to look around.
DEVIL: OH, all right. Lemme stamp your hands...

DEVIL: SAY, didn't you have a bit of trouble on the last orgo final?
JOHNNY: What? NO. I, UH, I don't know what you're, UH...
BEN: You know, hell's really more of a DRY heat...

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#140. Ben’s UNC friend from high school

September 29, 1997

BEN: Oh, hey! It's Greg, one of my friends from high school. What's up!

GREG: Hey, Ben.
BEN: SO, this little ordeal should cause you to slip a notch or two in the old US NEWS, huh? Heh, heh...

GREG: Good LORD, our entire campus engulfed in FLAMES, our administration taken over by SATAN, our food lines clogged with DEMONS, and STILL all you Dukies think about are RANKINGS!
LABEL: Flames!

BEN: No, I'm thinking about basketball, too.

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#141. Housing problems in Hell

September 30, 1997

BEN: So, what's been the biggest PROBLEM with this whole "hell" thing?
GREG: Housing.

GREG: Now that we're HELL, we have to put up everyone who's been naughty since the DAWN OF TIME. It's a tight squeeze.

GREG: Right now, I'm stuck in an octuple with a Spanish warlord, Lizzie Borden, 4 of Ali Baba's 40 thieves, and the inventor of B.O.

JOHNNY: STILL. Beats Trent.
GREG: Yeah, STILL beats Trent.

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