Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Semester 4 of College

Spring '98

71 comicsFrom the beginning Most popular

#212. Speak at an art critics’ convention

February 11, 1998

TEACHER: Williams, are you FREE Thursday night? I'd like you to speak at an ART CRITICS' convention.

JOHNNY: SIR, aren't I a little YOUNG? INEXPERIENCED?
TEACHER: Oh, SURE, but you're HOT, Williams! YOUR insight is the TALK of the DEPARTMENT! It's just SO... SO...

JOHNNY: Fruitfully RHYTHMIC?
TEACHER: YES! Yes. Oh, your words just DESTROY me.

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#213. Johnny’s art critics’ convention speech

February 12, 1998

JOHNNY: Here we go... ladies and gentlemen...

JOHNNY: Kandinsky's early work... dutifully charming. Pollock... fancifully understated. Lichtenstein... frighteningly moot.

JOHNNY: (GULP) Thank you.

SOUND: (thunderous) APPLAUSE clap clap clap
JOHNNY: So much for the educated artworld.

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#214. Offer to be an art history professor

February 13, 1998

TEACHER: Now, WILLIAMS, after that lecture, I know you'll be getting LOTS of offers, but consider being a professor here at DUKE, after all, we put you on the MAP!

JOHNNY: PROFESSOR!? But I'm an UNDERGRADUATE!
TEACHER: Oh, PISH POSH. How do you feel about MANET?

JOHNNY: UH... decisively convoluted.
TEACHER: THERE! There's your thesis!

JOHNNY: That's not even a SENTENCE!
TEACHER: OH, it just needs a helping verb or two, we'll get a grad student to polish it...

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#215. Are you tenured already?

February 16, 1998

BEN: Hey Johnny...
JOHNNY: That's DR. Williams, boys, you're looking at Duke's newest PROFESSOR OF ART HISTORY!

WILLIAM: No WAY! You're joking!
BEN: That's hilarious! Are you TENURED already, too?

JOHNNY: NO, Ben, I don't have TENURE, let's get a little serious.

JOHNNY: The paperwork for that may take a week... OO, I gotta teach a CLASS at 11:50! Which one is EAST Duke again?

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#216. Art critic magazine covers

February 17, 1998

MAGAZINE: Smithsonian - Duke's Dr. John Williams turns the artworld on its collective ear.
MAGAZINE: Arts Illustrated - We're enigmatically intrigued about Duke
MAGAZINE: DogWorld - Duke's hunky Ph.D. Johnny Williams gives 10 tips on puppy grooming

JOHNNY: I had the COSMO cover in the bag, too, until CINDY CRAWFORD pointed out I wasn't a WOMAN. The slut.

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