Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Semester 4 of College

Spring '98

71 comicsFrom the beginning Most popular

#217. Johnny the art critic is a fraud

February 18, 1998

TEACHER: Sir, I need an opinion on a piece, it's-
JOHNNY: Oh, I LIKE it, blindingly off-tempo.

TEACHER: WHAT? NO, no, the piece is in my OFFICE, this is just the COMICS section, I- WAIT!

TEACHER: No art critic would EVER stoop so low as to even ACKNOWLEDGE a, UGH, comic strip as ART!
JOHNNY: (whistling)

TEACHER: GET OUT OF THIS OFFICE, YOU PHONY!
JOHNNY: But, I, uh, eloquently beguiled! Intensely banal! Noooo! Can I keep the pens?

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#218. BC walkway stench

February 19, 1998

BEN: SO, they revoked your position because of the CARTOON comment.
JOHNNY: Yep. I played the artworld like it was a game of MADLIBS, but the game is up.

BEN: Your life ruined by a cartoon.
JOHNNY: Yeah, what a powerful medium.

A pause.

BEN: Speaking of POWERFUL, that BC walkway stench is in RARE FORM tonight...
JOHNNY: Mmm... adamantly potent...

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#219. Ken Burns’ Krzyzewskiville

February 20, 1998

MO: Good evening, I'm Mo the Bat. This week on "Johnny", we take a break from our normal "cartoon" format to bring you an EXCLUSIVE documentary. This week, we bring you, in thrilling BLACK-AND-WHITE...

TITLE: Ken Burns' KRZYZWESKIVILLE
NOTE: Brought to you by The Chum Group

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#220. K-ville tenters

February 23, 1998

MO NARRATOR: The "Tenter", a majestic beast who in mid-January embarks on a severe migratory pattern.
TENTER: Go to hell Carolina.

MO NARRATOR: Armed with only an inborn ability to stand in line, these mammals boldly face the elements for six long weeks.
TENTER: Go to hell Carolina.
TENTER: Go to hell Carolina.
TENTER: Go to hell Carolina.

MO NARRATOR: Groups of roughly fifteen tenters, calles "flocks", congregate in small nylon encolsures called "tents".
TENTERS: Go to hell Carolina.
TENTER: Go to hell Carolina.

MO NARRATOR: The reason for this bizarre behavior is unknown, but may be linked to a strange digestive process involving pizza, mud, and mass quantities of Bud Light.
TENTER: Go to hell Carolina.

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#221. K-ville monitors and tent checks

February 24, 1998

MO NARRATOR: Tenters are timid creatures with no natural enemies save the sinister "line monitor" species.

MO NARRATOR: These serpent-like predators appear without warning in a flash of fiery brimstone and howl their booming battle roar.
LINE MONITOR: TENT CHECK!!

MO NARRATOR: Helpless tenters scurry for shelter to avoid the deadly strike of the monitor.
LINE MONITOR: Tent 23's out!
TENTER: Noooooo! I'm here! I'm here!

MO NARRATOR: Their only defense is a preemptive maneuver known in tenting circles as a "bribe".
JOHNNY: You saw me here at 3:00 am this morning.
LINE MONITOR: Hsssss... Certainly did...

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