Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Johnny

302 comics feature this characterNewest first Most popular Oldest first

Popularity rank 16 #398. Happy Nick and Mo

April 8, 1999

JOHNNY: Mo! Nick! Why do you guys look so DAMN happy?
MO: We're not really happy, Johnny. It's the management.

MO: They strapped these things to our heads to make us look CUTER, said we'd be more marketable.
NICK: And they rubbed raw eggs on me to make my fur shiny.

JOHNNY: WAIT. Cute, furry animals? Cleancut, marketable characters? Oh, my GOD!

JOHNNY: We've been bought by DISNEY!
NICK: Johnny, you got any VISINE? I haven't blinked in 74 hours...

1 view Like

Popularity rank 17 #391. STU and morals

March 30, 1999

STU: Sir, how does one obtain MORALS?
JOHNNY: Well, STU, it's partly from upbringing, but a lot of it's from instinct.

STU: And would you say morality's a distinctively HUMAN quality?
JOHNNY: Oh, I'd say so.

STU: So, as a COMPUTER, I could really have no concept of "right" or "wrong".
JOHNNY: No, I guess not.

STU: And would you sign a written statement to that effect?
JOHNNY: WHAT? Why- are these NUCLEAR LAUNCH CODES? BAD STU!! BAD STU!!
SOUND: sniff

1 view Like

Popularity rank 18 #378. Ben gets an internship

March 4, 1999

JOHNNY: BEN! What's a matter?
BEN: (sniff) R... read this!

JOHNNY: "Dear Mr. Romero, We are pleased to offer you an internship..." Blah blah...

JOHNNY: Ben, I don't understand. You GOT this internship.

BEN: But (sniff) it's not the one I... I wanted.
JOHNNY: Remind me to WEEP for you this summer while I bus tables for 2 bucks an hour.

1 view Like

Popularity rank 19 #374. Investor on the phone

February 26, 1999

JOHNNY: STU! It's an INVESTOR on the phone! He wants to know exactly what e-WebNET.com DOES!

STU: HEAVENS! He's calling our bluff! Go to Plan "A": CONFUSE THEM!

JOHNNY: Um, yes, WELL... uh, JAVA, and... ah, you know, um, PARALLEL PROCESSING... uh, INTEGRATED network based, uh, PAPERLESS OFFICE... and, uh, DVD!

JOHNNY: It's not working! He knew what DVD stood for!
STU: A net company's worst nightmare: AN INFORMED LAYMAN! Quickly! Start speaking in "1"'s and "0"'s!

1 view Like

Popularity rank 20 #373. The web company’s a sham

February 25, 1999

BEN: Johnny, STU just told me about this web "company" you've started, it sounds like a SHAM!

JOHNNY: Ben, Internet companies are all based on POTENTIAL. Sure, e-WebNET.com SEEMS vague now, but think of the FUTURE!

BEN: The FUTURE!? Do you have ANY plans to have this company ever do ANYTHING tangible?

JOHNNY: Well... NO. But POTENTIALLY I could.
BEN: POTENTIALLY, you're the biggest moron Iknow... And I have friends at Carolina.

1 view Like

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