Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Ben

154 comics feature this characterNewest first Most popular Oldest first

Popularity rank 26 #282. Ben’s hit

October 1, 1998

BEN: Before the war started, I was a T.A., but in Wannamaker, everyone thinks that's STRANGE, I-

BEN: AAA! I've been HIT! They got me, man! Tell my kids I LOVED 'EM!

JOHNNY: Ben... Ben, that was just a PAINTBALL, you're FINE.

BEN: NO! NO! LOOK! There's the WOUND!
JOHNNY: That's your NIPPLE, you TOOL. Now get up... and you don't have any DAMN kids either....

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Popularity rank 27 #281. Worst thing about war

September 30, 1998

BEN: KA is looking to flank our advance, so we move our 3rd division (being you with a pointed stick) northward to "parlay their ballyhoo" (meaning "poke them a lot")

BEN: But now, now we WAIT. Ah, this infernal WAITING! It's the worst thing about this CURSED war!

SOUND: twiddle twiddle

BEN: Well, death and destruction are a close second and third.
JOHNNY: In MY opinion, chafing's up there, too.

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Popularity rank 28 #279. Saving Ryan’s permission number

September 28, 1998

JOHNNY: WHOA! Where are YOU going?
BEN: To Wannamaker. I promised a soc. professor I'd deliver a permission number.

JOHNNY: Dammit, Ben! It's like WWII in there! Bombs exploding left and right! And I hear KA may have nuclear capability!

BEN: But if I suck up to this prof., I may get into the class, too! I could DROP MTH 103! It's my ticket out of HELL!

JOHNNY: Fine, but put this on. Say, what's this guy's name we're SAVING?
BEN: I dunno. It's marked "PRIVATE". But I think it's RYAN.

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Popularity rank 29 #278. Tough decision

September 25, 1998

JEN: So this job COMPLETELY undermines my faith in science, but at the same time, it'll look GREAT on med. school applications.

BEN: I know it's tough, honey, but it's time to take a guy check and decide which is more important: your MORALS or med. school.
JEN: I know, I know.

A pause.

JEN: WELL, med. school it is!
BEN: That's my little soulless capitalist...

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