Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Ben

154 comics feature this characterNewest first Most popular Oldest first

Popularity rank 31 #265. William’s going abroad

July 1, 1998

JOHNNY: Ben! William's going abroad next semester! It's some Microsoft thing.
BEN: What?!
NOTE: Today's phrase is plot twist.

JOHNNY: It's the "Duke in Cyberspace" program. Sez he'll lose all physical form, his soul becoming a series of digital bits, blah blah BLAH. ANYWAY, looks like we got a double now.
BEN: Cool.

JOHNNY: Say, did you maybe upset him somehow?
BEN: Well, he WAS mad when he found out we used to have a MAC. Why?

JOHNNY: He refers to you here only as "The Infidel".
BEN: We were YOUNG, dammit! IBM's were expensive! Will we never live it down, God?!

1 view Like

Popularity rank 32 #263. Too lenient on Brad

June 1, 1998

BEN: Mom, I'm concerned you're being too lenient with Brad.
BEN'S MOM: Oh, honey, no-

BRAD: Mom, can I have some cash to go see "Exploding Dinosaur Cops from Mars" again?
BEN'S MOM: Sure, dear.

BEN: THIS is what I'm talking about, mom, these action movies, they INFLUENCE him.
BEN'S MOM: Honey, I'm SURE Bradley won't set fire to the neighbor's parakeet again.

BEN: AGAIN?
BRAD: Mom, can I have some extra for some propane?
BEN'S MOM: It only went to small claims court, dear, I didn't want to bother you with it.

1 view Like

Popularity rank 33 #262. Good luck on exams

April 29, 1998

JOHNNY: Good luck on exams and congrats seniors!

BEN: Have a bourgeoisie summer.
JEN: Dear LORD, honey, you don't let up with this cynicism thing, do you?

FRATMAN: Sknxx az vrok sneb adwbozt!
SORORITY GIRL: Some of us took a little too long of a "study break"...

MO: The answers are: 1. True, 2. Conjugated dienes, 3. Dali, 4. George Bush, 5. Not unless beer money is low and you are directly propositioned.

1 view Like

Popularity rank 34 #261. Monday Monday columnists revealed

April 28, 1998

JOHNNY: Hey look, they got personal ads in the Chronicle...

AD: Tall, gangly, "unique" looking AEPi seeks replacement for his weary, weary right hand. Enjoys playing dress-up, stealing Billy Madison, Chris Rock jokes, writing "humor" column, and bestiality. All genders accepted. Call Keith
AD: Short, weasel-y lookin' AEPi with admittedly small "stature" and questionable hair seeks someone. Anyone. Please. Help me. Turn-ons include black trenchcoats, sunglasses, being called "Master" and TOSSing SALAD. Call Jason

BEN: Hey, when are your two exams?
JOHNNY: I told you! They're MONDAY, MONDAY!

BEN: That when we find out about that ANONYMOUS HUMOR COLUMN?
JOHNNY: The Chronicle has a HUMOR column?

1 view Like

Popularity rank 35 #248. Hit-and-run on Coach K’s car

April 9, 1998

BEN: Well, we just committed a hit-and-run on Coach K's car.
JOHNNY: Yup.

BEN: Where're we headed?
JOHNNY: I dunno. How far's Cuba?
BEN: I dunno.

A pause.

BEN: On the up side, you seem to have learned how to drive stick OK.
JOHNNY: Yeah, it's amazing what a little adrenaline and a misdemeanor will do....

1 view Like

Keep reading

Most popular comics…

Porter Mason holding up his book Cute Animals for Flawed People, The Complete Roonie the Rabbit, Book 1

My other comic, in print

Cute Animals for Flawed People

Roonie the Rabbit is the comic strip I'm drawing these days, and this is its first book: 301 comics about all your little emotional vulnerabilities.

The Roonie the Rabbit cast in a row

Also by Porter Mason

Roonie the Rabbit on Patreon

Join free to get all my latest comics by email, or for $5 a month get exclusive comics and every new comic a week early.

Join the Patreon