Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Semester 6 of College

Fall '98

71 comicsFrom the beginning Most popular

#294. Dry on-campus parties vs. off-campus drinking

October 19, 1998

BEN: It's like birds and bees, or "ER" and "Chicago Hope"...
JOHNNY: Quiet, you two! There're more important things than comparitive horniness!

JOHNNY: For example: FREE BEER! As an underage drinker, I'm torn* between lame, "dry" on-campus parties and the dangers of off-campus drinking!
NOTE: * Pun INTENDED! Woohoo! Yeah!

JOHNNY: If only someone could help me...
BEN: MMM, wonder who?
SOUND: sniff

JOHNNY: FRATMAN!
FRATMAN: Hi, kids!
BEN: I'll call you after this storyline blows over....

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#295. Off-planet parties

October 20, 1998

FRATMAN: Johnny, on-campus parties present too many RESTRICTIONS, off-campus parties attract POLICE and CRIME.*
NOTE: * In that order.

FRATMAN: The answer? OFF-PLANET PARTIES! The IFC bought acres of land on Mars, and it's prime for DANCING! TO THE FRATWING!
LABEL: The Frat Laser Pointer

BEN: Doesn't it take almost a year to fly to Mars?
JOHNNY: BEN! SHH!

FRATMAN: Not in cartoon time, Ben. It's like dog years.
JOHNNY: See? Never question Fratman!

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#296. Mars

October 21, 1998

FRATMAN: Mars has no alcohol laws, no neighbors to wake up, and the cold climate keeps kegs perfectly chilled!

FRATMAN: Our dorms have just the ESSENTIALS: a dance floor, bathrooms, a few hook-up rooms...

FRATMAN: And in every bathroom: RUNNING BEER!
BEN: EW! What about washing, showering?

FRATMAN: You can hardly tell the difference with Bud Light...
JOHNNY: Do these toilets have VODKA in 'em?!

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#297. Alien frat guy

October 22, 1998

FRATMAN: Johnny, meet our newest brother, ZEOSIEM. He's our first MARTIAN.

JOHNNY: Hi.

ZEOSIEM: (weird alien stuff)

JOHNNY: He seems... MAD.
FRATMAN: Well, that may have not been his HAND you just shook...

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#298. Toxic atmosphere

October 23, 1998

JOHNNY: These dorms are nice, but what if you want to go OUTSIDE?
FRATMAN: No problem!

JOHNNY: But the atmosphere on Mars is TOXIC!
FRATMAN: Well, RIGHT. You can't, you know, BREATH.

JOHNNY: OH.

JOHNNY: Sort of like LA.
FRATMAN: Oh, and its like -200 degrees Celsius out there, so BRING A SCARF.
BEN: I can still SMOKE, right? RIGHT!?

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