Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

William

40 comics feature this characterNewest first Most popular Oldest first

Popularity rank 26 #260. Left early

April 27, 1998

BEN: I KNOW you have exams! I wish you'd've remembered that this MORNING!

WILLIAM: Ben, what's up?
BEN: No, you will not HITCH back! We'll come get you. Oh, hold on...

BEN: Johnny went to Myrtle a week and a half early.

WILLIAM: I knew his switch to the Chinese calendar would cause trouble.
BEN: No, there's no such thing as a "leap week".

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Popularity rank 27 #238. Ran out of gas

March 26, 1998

WILLIAM: Where've you all been?
BEN: Ask STEPHEN HAWKING over here.

JOHNNY: We ran out of gas.
BEN: Tell William WHY that is....

JOHNNY: Because I misinterpreted the fuel gauge.
BEN: Tell him what YOU thought the "E" meant.

JOHNNY: I THOUGHT it was part of an elaborate ad campaign by E! Entertainment Television, OK?
BEN: You tell 'em, brainiac.

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Popularity rank 28 #228. Luckily, we don’t have girlfriends

March 5, 1998

JOHNNY: Ha HA, Ben's out having issues with Jen, and Sorority Girl made Fratman go watch some CHICK FLICK.
WILLIAM: So?

JOHNNY: They're missing the ACC TOURNAMENT, William!! LUCKILY, we don't HAVE girlfriends...

A pause.

WILLIAM: Yeah. Kick ass.

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Popularity rank 29 #215. Are you tenured already?

February 16, 1998

BEN: Hey Johnny...
JOHNNY: That's DR. Williams, boys, you're looking at Duke's newest PROFESSOR OF ART HISTORY!

WILLIAM: No WAY! You're joking!
BEN: That's hilarious! Are you TENURED already, too?

JOHNNY: NO, Ben, I don't have TENURE, let's get a little serious.

JOHNNY: The paperwork for that may take a week... OO, I gotta teach a CLASS at 11:50! Which one is EAST Duke again?

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Popularity rank 30 #211. Gonna be an art history major

February 10, 1998

JOHNNY: WILLIAM! I have an INCREDIBLE power! By simply pairing a random ADVERB and a random ADJECTIVE, I candescribe ANY piece of art!

JOHNNY: So get the ACES lady on line 3, William, I'm gonna be an ART HISTORY major!

WILLIAM: I can't do that, Johnny.
JOHNNY: DAMMIT all to hell, William! Can't you support my dreams ONCE!? Just ONCE?! You selfish BASTARD!

JOHNNY: WHEN, God?! WHEN will I be free to LIVE my LIFE?! WHE-e-en?!
WILLIAM: I... I just meant we don't HAVE a line 3... ...is all I meant.

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