Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

William

40 comics feature this characterNewest first Most popular Oldest first

Popularity rank 36 #142. How was Hell?

October 1, 1997

WILLIAM: SO, how was hell?
JOHNNY: All RIGHT, no good Chinese food, though.
SOUND: sniff sniff
LABEL: Ben!

WILLIAM: Is Chapel Hill all better now? Did you conveniently resolve the plotline?
BEN: Uh, NO. It's STILL hell.
SOUND: jingle jingle

WILLIAM: DUDE! We ALWAYS resolve plots in 5 days!
BEN: Well, I'm SO sorry. Johnny wanted Chinese. What's been going on here?
SOUND: condescend condescend

WILLIAM: Not much. They ended racism. And the frats decided to stop giving out beer. Nothing BIG though.
JOHNNY: MMM. Gen. Tsao's...
NOTE: No sound effect this panel

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Popularity rank 37 #137. Carolina goes to Hell

September 24, 1997

BEN: Look, Vanna is the GLUE that holds the show together.
WILLIAM: That's NOT the issue here!
JOHNNY: GUYS! Turn it to channel 40 quick!

TV: ...reports are SKETCHY, but it appears that the entire CAMPUS of UNC-Chapel Hill has been SWALLOWED up in a FIERY HOLE, let's go to-
NOTE: Info panel

JOHNNY: DON'T YOU SEE? Carolina's actually GONE to hell!
BEN: Wow.
WILLIAM: Yeah, WOW.
NOTE: Drama panel

JOHNNY: By the way, SAJAK's where the money is, Vannas just a letter-turning bimbo.
WILLIAM: That's whay I'M sayin'!
BEN: No, no, no...

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Popularity rank 38 #130. Trying out the electronic nose

September 15, 1997

JOHNNY: ALL my people right here right no- oh, hey, STU, what's new?

STU: WELL, sir bought me an electronic nose to quell my desire for A BODY. Now he's creating smells to initialize the thing.
SOUND: sniff

WILLIAM: STU, this has a hint of rosemary in it, see if that does much for you- oh, hey, Johnny. I borrowed your tennis shoes.
SOUND: sniff sniff

JOHNNY: NO, I meant more like: "Did I get any calls?"
STU: Oh, and I've started wearing Polo Sport...
SOUND: sniff sniff

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Popularity rank 39 #127. Android body parts catalog

September 10, 1997

WILLIAM: Well, STU, I picked up a catalog of android body parts!
STU: Faboo, sir!

STU: Oh, look! Here's the whole package! A FULL human body complete with ALL five sense organs AND plug 'n' play limbs!
COMPUTER SCREEN: cover of Pinkerton by Weezer

WILLIAM: Only $13,999,999,95 plus S+H.
BOOK: Human Body Parts 'r' Us: Get on our mailing list. Please. We got tons of these things. It's getting kinda crowded in here.

WILLIAM: Maybe there's a TOENAIL section we could look at or something.
STU: Oo, "The Booty 2000: The only electronic ass with full network support."

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Popularity rank 40 #126. Does this screen saver make me look fat?

September 9, 1997

STU: Sir, does this screen saver make me look fat?
WILLIAM: WHAT?

STU: These horizontal lines, do they make my motherboard look big?
WILLIAM: WHAT? STU, what's wrong?

STU: Nothing really, sir. It's just sometimes I wish my physical manifestation more accurately reflected my intelligence quotient.

WILLIAM: Please repeat that on a UNC reading level for me.
STU: Me want a human body real real a lot, sir.

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