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Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

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Character

William

40 comics feature this characterNewest firstMost popularOldest first

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Popularity rank 11 #103. True identity of Floyd

April 25, 1997

JOHNNY: Floyd, I was thinking about tie-dying all my tighty-whities, any tips?
FLOYD: Johnny, you realize who you're talking to, right?
JOHNNY: What do you mean?
FLOYD: The real Floyd has been abroad at the "Duke in Mozambique" program all semester...
JOHNNY: William!? Why!? How!?!
WILLIAM: I just needed some extra money this semester.
JOHNNY: So you've been (sudder) LYING to everyone?
WILLIAM: Yes, and I would've gotten away with it if it hadn't been for you meddling kids and that lemur!

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Popularity rank 12 #96. Shutting down STU

April 16, 1997

WILLIAM: All right, STU, I'm going to shut you down for the night...
STU: No! Sir, wait!
STU: I thought perhaps you could extemporate over some iterations again...
CHARACTER: STU, I'm very tired and...
STU: I know, sir, but maybe just 5 min 32.78 sec or so...
WILLIAM: All right, all right....
WILLIAM: A long time ago, in a faraway land, there was a princess named "while-do" and she lived with her sisters, "if-then" and "go-to"...
STU: Was she pretty, sir?

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Popularity rank 13 #95. Meet William’s computer, STU

April 15, 1997

NARRATOR: Meet William's computer.
STU: Excuse me, sir?
STU: Shouldn't you finish your problem set that's due in four hours, rather than play solitaire?
WILLIAM: Well, yeah I...
STU: Just a humble suggestion, sir.
WILLIAM: Never should've installed that freakin' artificial intelligence card...
STU: I also have some moral questions about this "Elle MacPherson" directory...

1 view ♥Like

Popularity rank 14 #75. Science Drive poem

March 10, 1997

WILLIAM: Oh Science Drive, so far away, why do I praise you on this day? Your architecture often bland, Levin'e akin to "Futureland".
LABEL: William! The CPS major!
WILLIAM: Oh, home home to orgo, home to math, few of us escape your wrath. And yet I take this time to say, hurrah to Science Drive today!
WILLIAM: Some may laugh, make fun, and sneer; they have no joy for Gross or Teer. But for those who cannot dance, who can't do art that's worth a glance...
SOUND: Sneer!
WILLIAM: For those of us who want REAL jobs, who are not liberal artsy snobs, there is a place where we can thrive. In B.F.E., on Science Drive.
POLICE OFFICE: Sir, you're blocking traffic....

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Popularity rank 15 #64. Thank God we’re out of that flannel

February 23, 1997

JOHNNY: Well, thank God we're out of those flannel shirts! I just hate wearing those things!
JOHNNY: They make me feel like I'm either some tablecloth from an Italian restaurant or a field hockey skirt!
A pause.
JOHNNY: Actually, I wouldn't mind being a field hockey skirt so much...
WILLIAM: I was gonna say, yowka!

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Keep reading

Most popular comics…

  • 1 TV: Yes, Jeff, I am here live at the official rollout of the alpha version of Office 2000, codename Poughkeepsie...

    MSNBC

    1 2 Nov 8, ’96

  • 2 JOHNNY: What about you, Jay; are you dating anyone?
SOUND: push push push

    No big commitments

    0 3 Feb 10, ’99

  • 3 JOHNNY: Greetings, readers! Shalom and welcome to the exciting world of "Johnny"! I'm the main character of the strip, Jonathan G. Williams. You may remember me from my earlier work in the Chronicle, such as "Guy Watching TV" or "Guy at the Airport"...

    Welcome

    0 3 Jan 15, ’97

  • 4 NARRATOR: A character I never got to introduce: Bob the Pirate.
BEN: Jen! What's the symbol for "radius" of a circle?

    Bob the pirate

    0 2 Aug 15, ’99

  • 5 JAY: I dunno, how do get girls to like you, Johnny?
JOHNNY: Oh, I have a SYSTEM. The firs step is: get to be good friends with them.

    First step to getting girls

    0 2 Mar 25, ’99

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Johnny the Mediocre Human

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