Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

STU the Computer

27 comics feature this characterNewest first Most popular Oldest first

Popularity rank 21 #205. Credit card statement

February 2, 1998

WILLIAM: Mmm. Yuck. I just got a STATEMENT from my credit company.
JOHNNY: Oh yeah? Huh. I got a statement from my credit company once.

JOHNNY: The statement was: "PLEASE STOP USING YOUR FREAKIN' CREDIT CARD, YOU BROKE, BROKE BASTARD."

JOHNNY: Heh, heh. That's, ah, that's my little JOKE.
WILLIAM: HEY! $400.00 for an electronic ASS! STU!

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Popularity rank 22 #191. Leaving STU

December 9, 1997

STU: Tell everyone hello for me, sir....
WILLIAM: STU, you KNOW I'd take you if I COULD, but I'm FLYING and...

STU: Oh, PISH POSH, sir, I'll be FINE here. I'll download some picture of TURKEY, tidy up the F: DRIVE.

WILLIAM: The annual Christmas break guilt trip.
STU: I mean you'll be back in, what? 25.100 or so days? Not that I'm COUNTING...
SOUND: sniff sniff

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Popularity rank 23 #142. How was Hell?

October 1, 1997

WILLIAM: SO, how was hell?
JOHNNY: All RIGHT, no good Chinese food, though.
SOUND: sniff sniff
LABEL: Ben!

WILLIAM: Is Chapel Hill all better now? Did you conveniently resolve the plotline?
BEN: Uh, NO. It's STILL hell.
SOUND: jingle jingle

WILLIAM: DUDE! We ALWAYS resolve plots in 5 days!
BEN: Well, I'm SO sorry. Johnny wanted Chinese. What's been going on here?
SOUND: condescend condescend

WILLIAM: Not much. They ended racism. And the frats decided to stop giving out beer. Nothing BIG though.
JOHNNY: MMM. Gen. Tsao's...
NOTE: No sound effect this panel

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Popularity rank 24 #131. Of course I like the nose

September 16, 1997

STU: No messages, sir, no. Of COURSE I like the nose, sir. NO, no, nothing, sir. Really. REALLY. OK. OK. Bye, sir.
SOUND: (click) sniff sniff

SOUND: sniff sniff

SOUND: (click) dialtone beep bop boop boop beep bop bop boop beep bop boop (telephone) ring (telephone) ring

STU: Yes, I've got a coupon for one electronic ASS. Yes, the BOOTY 2000. Ah, x-large. With the optional SCRATCHING component. That's WILLIAM STANLEY...

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Popularity rank 25 #130. Trying out the electronic nose

September 15, 1997

JOHNNY: ALL my people right here right no- oh, hey, STU, what's new?

STU: WELL, sir bought me an electronic nose to quell my desire for A BODY. Now he's creating smells to initialize the thing.
SOUND: sniff

WILLIAM: STU, this has a hint of rosemary in it, see if that does much for you- oh, hey, Johnny. I borrowed your tennis shoes.
SOUND: sniff sniff

JOHNNY: NO, I meant more like: "Did I get any calls?"
STU: Oh, and I've started wearing Polo Sport...
SOUND: sniff sniff

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