Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

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#384. Maybe he’ll stop talking

March 12, 1999

JOHNNY: Why don't fish ever wear CONTACTS? I bet it's cuz they'd always fall off in the WATER.

A pause

BEN: Perhaps if I agree with him, he'll stop talking.

BEN: You... you make a g-good point.
JOHNNY: Plus, they have no HANDS! So how could they pick them up?

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#383. Sea of soda marketing

March 11, 1999

JOHNNY: Ben, I'm awash in a sea of soda marketing.
BEN: How's that?

JOHNNY: Coke or Pepsi? Regular or diet? And what of Pepsi One? Will it survive? Or will it go the way of the dodo like New Coke and the clear colas?

JOHNNY: Then there's Sprite, should I "obey my thirst"? Go for the Xtreme soda and "Do the Dew"? Or choose 7-up and become an "un"? To which nonconformity should I confrom!

BEN: How 'bout drink the one that TASTES good?
JOHNNY: Ben, there's no need to talk CRAZY!

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#382. Do you have a light?

March 10, 1999

BEN: Damn lighter...
SOUND: click click

BEN: 'Scuse me, do you have a light?

NON-SMOKER: Oh, I have a light, but when will YOU see the light and quit sucking on those CANCERSTICKS? You SICKEN me.

BEN: These are ROUGH times for us smokers...

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#381. More from Barry, the honest DJ

March 9, 1999

BARRY: Coming up next, we'll hear a new tune from a band you've never heard of.

BARRY: The song isn't well-written or that original, but wait til we play it a few hundred times.

BARRY: Within two weeks, you'll know ALL the lyrics, be a member of their FANCLUB, and the lead singer will start work on a solo project.

BARRY: This is 98.8 FM, and as always, I'm Barry, THE HONEST DJ.
BEN: The truth shall set us free, Barry.

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#380. RDU shuttle

March 8, 1999

JAY: Hey, Johnny, you headed out for Spring BreaK?
JOHNNY: Yup, going to Cancun.

JAY: You're not waiting for a shuttle to RDU, are ya? Cuz one left about give minutes ago, said there wouldn't be another for an hour.

JOHNNY: OH... cuz... my flight is... very... SOON.

JAY: Where'd you say you were going again?
JOHNNY: Back to my room to cry...

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