Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

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#14. Chicken patties

January 1, 1994

The All NEW (Slippery When Wet) Adventures of

Johnny, the Mediocre Sophomore

SOUND: chomp chew crunch munch

SOUND: WHOOMP!
LABEL: Eyebrows
LABEL: Ditto

JAVON: Jeez, this school is ALREADY falling apart? What is it, a piece of roof or something?

JOHNNY: Actually it's just a chicken patty...

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#13. End of class

December 15, 1993

The All NEW (Made With Mama's Own Recipe) Adventures of

Johnny, the Mediocre Sophomore

ENGLISH TEACHER: 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...

Shoes, pencils, papers fly everywhere.

ENGLISH TEACHER: Dismissed.

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#12. Into the sunset

December 6, 1993

NARRATOR: At the hospital, Johnny gets a bandage for his head and spills his proverbial guts to Monique.
JOHNNY: ...so that's the whole story, all I really wanted to do was ask you out...

MONIQUE: Johnny, don't you know that if you would've just asked me, I would've said yes in the first place?

JOHNNY: What a storybook romance! And all conveniently wrapped up in 24 panels!
MONIQUE: Yes, only walking off into the sunset could be more romantic...
JOHNNY: No problem! Cue sunset!

MONIQUE: Impressive.
JOHNNY: Yep, that's pretty much me, comic strip star, people jumping at my every word....

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#11. To the hospital

December 5, 1993

JAVON: Johnny! Are you all right? What happened?
JOHNNY: Yea, yea. I just bruised my ego a little...

JOHNNY: I was following the plan, I was helping her with the computer, and I was just about to get somewhere when all of a sudden I leaned on a bookcase and, well, all heck broke loose.

JAVON: Do you need to go to the hospital or something?
JOHNNY: No, I don't think....

MONIQUE: Johnny, do you need me to go to the hospital with you?
JOHNNY: ... I could survive without going to the hospital.
SOUND: WHUMP!

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#10. Your big chance

December 4, 1993

JAVON: There she is, this is your chance. She's having trouble with the computer. Remember, stick to the plan!
JOHNNY: Stick to the plan, stick to the plan...

ENGLISH TEACHER: Ah I see Williams is making his move on Monique....
JAVON: Yup, everything will be great as long as he sticks to the plan...

SOUND: BOOM! CRASH! WHOOMP!

ENGLISH TEACHER: I'm assuming knocking down 6 bookcases was not part of "the plan."
JAVON: Not exactly...

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