How to get into Duke

Hey kids! It's another in a series of instructional cartoons: How to Get Into Duke! Enjoy! NARRATOR: Step 1: Work HARD in high school, or option TWO, go to a "respected" boarding school. Either way. JOHNNY: Here's an exorbitant amount of money. Will you vouch for my academic integrity? BOARDING SCHOOL DUDE: Sure. NARRATOR: Step 2: Fill out the application, including the essays. Include big words like: "alumni donations" and "unimaginable wealth". JOHNNY: "Legacy" is a relative term, I think... NARRATOR: Step 3: Snap out of your drunken high school senior stupor long enough to return the reply card. Be sure to check "yes" and not "no". JOHNNY: The postal service is fun. NARRATOR: And that's it! NARRATOR: Note: The opinions expressed in this cartoon are not those of the Chronicle. OR the cartoonist for that matter. Actually, we don't know where we got the durned things. JOHNNY: This strip sponsored by the national association of wordiness.
Transcript
  1. Hey kids! It’s another in a series of instructional cartoons: How to Get Into Duke! Enjoy!
    • NARRATOR: Step 1: Work HARD in high school, or option TWO, go to a “respected” boarding school. Either way.
    • JOHNNY: Here’s an exorbitant amount of money. Will you vouch for my academic integrity?
    • BOARDING SCHOOL DUDE: Sure.
    • NARRATOR: Step 2: Fill out the application, including the essays. Include big words like: “alumni donations” and “unimaginable wealth”.
    • JOHNNY: “Legacy” is a relative term, I think…
    • NARRATOR: Step 3: Snap out of your drunken high school senior stupor long enough to return the reply card. Be sure to check “yes” and not “no”.
    • JOHNNY: The postal service is fun.
    • NARRATOR: And that’s it!
    • NARRATOR: Note: The opinions expressed in this cartoon are not those of the Chronicle. OR the cartoonist for that matter. Actually, we don’t know where we got the durned things.
    • JOHNNY: This strip sponsored by the national association of wordiness.