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How to get into Duke
- Hey kids! It’s another in a series of instructional cartoons: How to Get Into Duke! Enjoy!
- NARRATOR: Step 1: Work HARD in high school, or option TWO, go to a “respected” boarding school. Either way.
- JOHNNY: Here’s an exorbitant amount of money. Will you vouch for my academic integrity?
- BOARDING SCHOOL DUDE: Sure.
- NARRATOR: Step 2: Fill out the application, including the essays. Include big words like: “alumni donations” and “unimaginable wealth”.
- JOHNNY: “Legacy” is a relative term, I think…
- NARRATOR: Step 3: Snap out of your drunken high school senior stupor long enough to return the reply card. Be sure to check “yes” and not “no”.
- JOHNNY: The postal service is fun.
- NARRATOR: And that’s it!
- NARRATOR: Note: The opinions expressed in this cartoon are not those of the Chronicle. OR the cartoonist for that matter. Actually, we don’t know where we got the durned things.
- JOHNNY: This strip sponsored by the national association of wordiness.