Hey kids! It’s another in a series of instructional cartoons: How to Get Into Duke! Enjoy!
NARRATOR: Step 1: Work HARD in high school, or option TWO, go to a “respected” boarding school. Either way.
JOHNNY: Here’s an exorbitant amount of money. Will you vouch for my academic integrity?
BOARDING SCHOOL DUDE: Sure.
NARRATOR: Step 2: Fill out the application, including the essays. Include big words like: “alumni donations” and “unimaginable wealth”.
JOHNNY: “Legacy” is a relative term, I think…
NARRATOR: Step 3: Snap out of your drunken high school senior stupor long enough to return the reply card. Be sure to check “yes” and not “no”.
JOHNNY: The postal service is fun.
NARRATOR: And that’s it!
NARRATOR: Note: The opinions expressed in this cartoon are not those of the Chronicle. OR the cartoonist for that matter. Actually, we don’t know where we got the durned things.
JOHNNY: This strip sponsored by the national association of wordiness.