Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Semester 3 of College

Fall '97

71 comicsFrom the beginning Most popular

#146. Return of Fratman

October 7, 1997

WILLIAM: Johnny, I'm concerned. What will the frats' new alcohol policies mean for ME, an average dork?
JOHNNY: I dunno, William, but I think I know who to call...

SOUND: SHAZAM!

WILLIAM AND JOHNNY: FRATMAN!
FRATMAN: Hullo, boys! Sorry I was so pokey; there was a sale at Abercrombie...
LABEL: White Hat of Justice!

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#147. No beer at parties?!

October 8, 1997

JOHNNY: NO BEER AT PARTIES?! Fratman! SAY IT AIN'T SO!
FRATMAN: The times are a' changin', Johnny...

JOHNNY: But what about the frats' self-proclaimed position of social "NOBILITY" at Duke? Your LEPER-like treatment of independents? What about your huge EGOS? Your BOY'S CLUB mentality? Your cornering of the WOMEN market?

FRATMAN: That'll ALL still be here!
JOHNNY: I KNOW! But I only put up with it NOW 'cuz I get free BEER!

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#148. The future is theme parties

October 9, 1997

FRATMAN: Johnny, we have SEEN the future, and it is THEME PARTIE! This is Jerry, our theme cosultant.

FRATMAN: Given ANY topic, he can develop a party NAME, and justify using STROBES, BLACK LIGHTS, and 80'S MUSIC!

JOHNNY: Really? How 'bout... "Full House"?

CONSULTANT: "The Full HOUSE PARTY". Strobes show the duality of the OLSEN TWINS, black lights 'cuz Bob Sahet's EVIL, and play D.J. Jazzy Jeff. Don't waste my time. TIME?
JOHNNY: He's good...
FRATMAN: 6.36 seconds!

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#149. I guess you can have fun without alcohol

October 10, 1997

JOHNNY: Wow, Fratman, I guess you really CAN have fun without alcohol...
BIZARRO FRATMAN: See?
FRATMAN: STOP RIGHT THERE!

JOHNNY: What the... ANOTHER Fratman?
FRATMAN: The REAL Fratman. This PUNK got me lost in foreign territory: PERKINS! He stole the W.H.O.J. and he's been causing TROUBLE ever since.
LABEL: Hathead!
NOTE: W.H.O.J. - White Hat of Justice

FRATMAN: His name's BIZARRO Fratman. We're IDENTICAL except HE doesn't uphold the seventh TENET of Frathood: "Thou shalt give BEER to freshmen. GIRLS. Who are HOT." Poor, sick bastard.
JOHNNY: How do I know you're the REAL one?

FRATMAN: DUH. I speak in GREEK LETTERS. 'Sides, he's got on OUTLET clothes. BLECH.
JOHNNY: OOOoooh.
BIZARRO FRATMAN: HEY! This is J. Crew, baby!

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#150. Fratman sets it straight

October 13, 1997

FRATMAN: Well, Johnny, I think we've learned some IMPORTANT lessons. FIRST: NEVER go to Perkins. 'Cuz you might lose your hat.

FRATMAN: AND we saw the horrors of "dry" parties. NEVER FORGET: themes are ONLY interesting if you're WASTED. And even THEN, they're only so-so.

FRATMAN: Strange fellow, that Bizarro Fratman. Ran off to some IFC meeting...

JOHNNY: D'you catch his NAME?
FRATMAN: Tom So... Sow... Sow... Something.

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