Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Ben

154 comics feature this characterNewest first Most popular Oldest first

Popularity rank 126 #247. Hitting a car

April 8, 1998

JOHNNY: Is this the airbag?
BEN: No, just some balloon animals I had in the glove compartment.

BEN: You banged up that car PRETTY good. Sign sez it was the basketball coach's spot.

JOHNNY: WHAT?!

BEN: Some guy's coming over here, some little Polish guy, MAN, he is cussing like a SAILOR...
JOHNNY: Ben. GET... IN... THE CAR.

0 views Like

Popularity rank 127 #246. Learning to drive stick

April 7, 1998

NARRATOR: Meanwhile...
BEN: All right, now learning to drive stick is easy...

BEN: Now push the clutch and go into first, and pull out.
JOHNNY: Which one is first? This one?

SOUND: CRASH vroom

JOHNNY: My FIRST guess would be no.

0 views Like

Popularity rank 128 #238. Ran out of gas

March 26, 1998

WILLIAM: Where've you all been?
BEN: Ask STEPHEN HAWKING over here.

JOHNNY: We ran out of gas.
BEN: Tell William WHY that is....

JOHNNY: Because I misinterpreted the fuel gauge.
BEN: Tell him what YOU thought the "E" meant.

JOHNNY: I THOUGHT it was part of an elaborate ad campaign by E! Entertainment Television, OK?
BEN: You tell 'em, brainiac.

0 views Like

Popularity rank 129 #235. CD clubs

March 23, 1998

JOHNNY: I'm telling you, Ben, I spend my money so smartly I should be an ECONOMIST.
BEN: How so?

JOHNNY: Observe: I got 11 CD's for the price of ONE from my CD club.
BEN: Which CD's you get?

JOHNNY: Well, the selection wasn't great. I got this one greatest hits album and ten copies of "Yanni Plays the Hits of Matchbox 20".

JOHNNY: Just THINK, all for the price of just ONE CD?
BEN: THIS is why we have a national debt.
LABEL: Ben folds!
SOUND: fold fold

0 views Like

Popularity rank 130 #226. No more benches

March 3, 1998

NAN: Simpson, these bench fires are madness! Call the dorm presidents, we're confiscating ALL the damn things!
LABEL: Looky! It's a Nan head! Woo hoo!

SIMPSON: Begging your pardon, ma'am, but the students like hanging around the benches, perhaps you should provide replacements.
NAN: Yes, you're right. Replacements. FIRE-PROOF replacements. That'll be good P.R....

JOHNNY: The dorm fish tank? I... I just don't know.
BEN: Our other option was the "Dorm Large Block of Stainless Steel"...

0 views Like

Keep reading

Most popular comics…

Porter Mason holding up his book Cute Animals for Flawed People, The Complete Roonie the Rabbit, Book 1

My other comic, in print

Cute Animals for Flawed People

Roonie the Rabbit is the comic strip I'm drawing these days, and this is its first book: 301 comics about all your little emotional vulnerabilities.

The Roonie the Rabbit cast in a row

Also by Porter Mason

Roonie the Rabbit on Patreon

Join free to get all my latest comics by email, or for $5 a month get exclusive comics and every new comic a week early.

Join the Patreon