Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Storyline

Pretty First-row Girl

Johnny’s new sunglasses let him stare at the pretty girl in the front row without her knowing. Then she walks up the aisle toward him.

5 comicsFrom the beginning Most popular

#308. Getting asked out

November 6, 1998

JULIA: My name's Julia, I wanted to introduce myself.
JOHNNY: I'm, I'm Johnny.

JULIA: Do you have any plans this Friday?
JOHNNY: Well, I was going to watch "The Wedding Singer" by myself and eat Fritos.

A pause.

JOHNNY: But, you know, I, uh, I could cancel.

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#309. After the date

November 9, 1998

NARRATOR: After the date...
JOHNNY: So, Julia, lemme get this STRAIGHT....

JOHNNY: You're smart, beautiful, funny, incredibly nice, caring, and you find all my strange quirks as endearing rather than annoying!
JULIA: Yup.

JOHNNY: What about that gross throat-clearing thing I do?

JULIA: The most efficient form of snot management I've ever come across!
JOHNNY: You DO understand me!

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#310. Waking up

November 10, 1998

JOHNNY: Julia, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me! I LOVE you!
JULIA: Johnny, I've something to say to you, too...

JULIA: IT'S 8:15! EEE EEE EEE EEE!
JOHNNY: WHAT? You sound like my ALARM! Wait, has this whole thing been a dream?
NOTE: It's like "Dallas"!

SOUND: EEE EEE EEE EEE EEE
SOUND: poof
SOUND: BANG!
JOHNNY: No! Julia! Ju-OW!

SOUND: EEE EEE EEE EEE EEE
JOHNNY: Well, thanks for that, brain. Care to kick me in the CROTCH and COMPLETE the perfect morning?
SOUND: fwump

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#311. All a dream

November 11, 1998

BEN: I'm sorry it was all a dream, Johnny, but, LOOK, it's not impossible. You'll find someone eventually...
JOHNNY: I KNOW, (sniff) I know.

BEN: Not that it MATTERS, of course... I mean, we're all going to die eventually... (sniff) nothing matters... NOTHING...

BEN: Curse you! You cruel, foul world!

JOHNNY: Note to self: never ask an existentialist to cheer you up...
BEN: (sniff) Th-thanks.

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