Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Semester 1 of College

Spring '97

72 comicsFrom the beginning Most popular

#102. Johnny interning for Mitch

April 24, 1997

JOHNNY: I tell you, Mitch, this is the best internship a guy could ever have...
LABEL: Stank!
LABEL: Sponge!
LABEL: Lemur "accident"!

JOHNNY: SURE, I work 72 unpaid hours a week, I'm normally covered in the cast's VOMIT or Floyd's bong water, and you forced me to sign away all my rights and possessions, but I'm gaining...

JOHNNY: What was it I'm gaining again?
MITCH: Nice breasts. Very nice breasts.

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#103. True identity of Floyd

April 25, 1997

JOHNNY: Floyd, I was thinking about tie-dying all my tighty-whities, any tips?
FLOYD: Johnny, you realize who you're talking to, right?

JOHNNY: What do you mean?
FLOYD: The real Floyd has been abroad at the "Duke in Mozambique" program all semester...

JOHNNY: William!? Why!? How!?!
WILLIAM: I just needed some extra money this semester.

JOHNNY: So you've been (sudder) LYING to everyone?
WILLIAM: Yes, and I would've gotten away with it if it hadn't been for you meddling kids and that lemur!

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#104. Keeping Mitch’s lemur

April 28, 1997

JOHNNY: Well, sir, it's been a great semester working here.
SOUND: floss floss

JOHNNY: There's so much I've learned, so much I can now blackmail you with.
SOUND: drink drink

JOHNNY: The trainers even said I could keep this lemur as a pet, with the strip shutting down and all. And in honor of you, sir...
JOHNNY: Spit, please.
SOUND: spit spit

JOHNNY: I'm thinkin' of NAMIN' HIM MITCH! Mitch 1 meet Mitch 2!
MITCH: I think he's marking his territory on me.
LEMUR: I need my space.
SOUND: crap crap

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#105. End of semester mailbag

April 29, 1997

JOHNNY: Well, it's the end of the semester, and we're getting a little reflective over here at Johnny headquarters.

JOHNNY: Yes, it's that time of the year where we get out the mailbags full of all the reader responses we got this semester. Ben?

Ben pours out two envelopes. Johnny does a take.

JOHNNY: Is this IT?
BEN: We threw out all the ones written in blood...
MO: Either of you know this gay guy from Harvard?

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#106. Zero percent yield

April 30, 1997

SIGN: This man didn't wear goggles. WEAR THE GOGGLES.
SIGN: Element of the Week: Br; Full Name: Bromine; Interests: Tennis, Sn2; Turn-offs: peroxides

JOHNNY: 4 and a half hours. $175 worth of glassware. 17 trials. 3 attempted suicides. ZERO percent yield.

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