Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Semester 6 of College

Fall '98

71 comicsFrom the beginning Most popular

#334. Collapsed caves

December 14, 1998

JOHNNY: Uh, Ben, you know how we sort of dug out all those caves under Cameron?
BEN: Yeah.

JOHNNY: Well, we abandoned them, we're tenting above ground like good Dukies.
BEN: That's GOOD.

JOHNNY: But they sort of COLLAPSED, and Cameron sunk 70 feet into the ground.
BEN: That's BAD.

JOHNNY: Anyway, word is Coach K has a hit out on me, can I borrow your car?
BEN: Sorry, don't have "crazed basketball coach" insurance.

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#335. Happy 21

December 15, 1998

BEN: Hey, happy birthday, buddy! YOU'RE 21, you know what THAT means!
JOHNNY: Yup.

JOHNNY: I get to vote in my 4th election!
BEN: NO! No, the OTHER thing!

JOHNNY: Oh YEAH! Now I'm only 44 years away from my full Social Security benefits!
BEN: NO! No! LOOK, you're 21!

JOHNNY: SO... you mean... if I were a woman, my sexual peak would be in 14 years?
BEN: NO! Aaa! You're like some big ball of RANDOM!

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#336. Least repetitive station

December 16, 1998

SOUND: click

RADIO: ... 3 AM I must be- CLICK- gonna be all right, rock-a- CLICKl hard knock like, for us, it's a- CLICK- one I run to, the one that I belong to, still the one I- CLICK

RADIO: ... that saved a wretch like MEEEEEE.... All right, we're back on the All-Amazing-Grace Station, we play only "Amazing Grace", 24 hours a day...

BEN: SADLY, this is the least repetitive station in Durham...
RADIO: That last rendition was from action star Jackie Chan, now Boris Yeltzin sings...

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#337. Questioning our society

December 17, 1998

JOHNNY: You know, my sociology class has really gotten me to start questioning our society!
BEN: Yeah? How so?

JOHNNY: Well, like, when we say: "All men are created equal." What do we MEAN by "equal"?
BEN: Interesting. And your conclusions?

JOHNNY: What do you MEAN by "conclusions"?
BEN: I dunno, is that really the POINT?

JOHNNY: What do you MEAN by "the point"?
BEN: Johnny. Just shut the #@%? up.
JOHNNY: What do you men by "#@%?"?

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#338. Finals poem

December 18, 1998

NARRATOR JOHNNY: 'Tis the last day of finals, and as far as I see, not a creature is stirring 'cept for bored little me.
JOHNNY: (sigh)...

NARRATOR JOHNNY: Oh, I'm sure, back at Duke, some are still taking roll at exams in Italian, in French, Espanol.
FRENCH PROFESSOR: Comment t'appelles tu?
JAVON: Que?

NARRATOR JOHNNY: But what I, in my infinite wisdom, have done is reserved a plane ticket, and yet... never BOUGHT one.
TICKET AGENT: One word: overbooked.
JOHNNY: Eep!

NARRATOR JOHNNY: So here I am flying standby at gate twenty-two. And I just hope that Santa stops by RDU.

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