Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Topic

Comics about non sequiturs

5 comics about this topicNewest first Most popular Oldest first

Popularity rank 1 #393. Dr. Pepper

April 1, 1999

BEN: I'm gonna get a Coke. D'you want anything?
JOHNNY: A Dr. Pepper.

JOHNNY: Hey, what if Dr. Pepper was a REAL doctor? MAN. Well, he wouldn't be a very GOOD one.

JOHNNY: Cuz all he could ever say is "fizz".

BEN: It's like some X-Files episode where they've SUCKED out his brain, but he keeps TALKING.
JOHNNY: Mr. PIBB, I assume, just got a bachelor's degree.

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Popularity rank 2 #384. Maybe he’ll stop talking

March 12, 1999

JOHNNY: Why don't fish ever wear CONTACTS? I bet it's cuz they'd always fall off in the WATER.

A pause

BEN: Perhaps if I agree with him, he'll stop talking.

BEN: You... you make a g-good point.
JOHNNY: Plus, they have no HANDS! So how could they pick them up?

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Popularity rank 3 #335. Happy 21

December 15, 1998

BEN: Hey, happy birthday, buddy! YOU'RE 21, you know what THAT means!
JOHNNY: Yup.

JOHNNY: I get to vote in my 4th election!
BEN: NO! No, the OTHER thing!

JOHNNY: Oh YEAH! Now I'm only 44 years away from my full Social Security benefits!
BEN: NO! No! LOOK, you're 21!

JOHNNY: SO... you mean... if I were a woman, my sexual peak would be in 14 years?
BEN: NO! Aaa! You're like some big ball of RANDOM!

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Popularity rank 4 #144. Soap smells good, but you can’t eat it

October 3, 1997

JOHNNY: You know, soap SMELLS really good, but you can't EAT it.

JOHNNY: Which sucks 'cos I bet those suds would go great with hummus...

A pause.

BEN: I think weirdness-wise, he just lapped us.

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Popularity rank 5 #143. Can you take a message?

October 2, 1997

SOUND: Rrring click
JOHNNY: Hello?
PHONE: Is Ben there?
JOHNNY: Nope.
PHONE: Can you take a message, then?
JOHNNY: Nope.

PHONE: Why not?
JOHNNY: Got no arms.
PHONE: How're you holding the PHONE then?
JOHNNY: Through an elaborate pulley system.

PHONE: OH. Well. Bye, uh, then.
JOHNNY: Mm-hmm.
SOUND: click

JOHNNY: Some things CANNOT be disturbed, and the afternoon nap's one of 'em.
SOUND: toss

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