Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

The College Comics

8 semesters 378 comics

#42. Meet Ben

January 22, 1997

BEN: Hey, I'm, ah, Ben Romero, Johnny's roommate, and I'm supposed to, ah, introduce myself.
NOTE: Surgeon General's Warning: Smoking is hazardous to people, but not cartoons

BEN: So, lessee, oh, I'm a philosophy major, ah, I have a girlfriend named Jen, and uh, I don't know, I like cheese! Johnny, this is stupid!
NOTE: Surg. Gen. Warning: This is because cartoons are not real.

JOHNNY: What's the problem now?
BEN: I dunno, it just feels weird. Not natural. Too forced.
JOHNNY: Well, I'll see what I can do to make it more NATURAL for you.
BEN: THanks, man. I appreciate it...

JOHNNY: It pays to be in good with the artist. Yes, it does.
BEN: VERY FUNNY, ah, WILLIAMS, remind me to tell your parents about the "RUTABAGA" incident next time I see 'em.
LABEL: Naked!
NOTE: S.G.W.: Cartoons ARE, however, anatomically correct.

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#43. Meet Nick and Mo

January 23, 1997

JOHNNY: Of course, "Johnny" will play host to other members of the animal kingdom as well...

JOHNNY: Like our friends Mr. Squirrel and Mr. Bat here...

JHONNY: Animals, despite their lack of intelligence and sophistication, are often humorous to watch and poke fun at...

NICK: I wonder how the more "sophisticated" members of the strip will enjoy a walnut up-side their head at 300 mph....
MO: "MR. BAT"!?

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#44. How to rush a frat

January 26, 1997

NARRATOR: Hey kids! Despite numerous requests for a longer introduction, we begin this week with our first instructional cartoon entitled:
TITLE: How to rush a frat!

NARRATOR: Step 1: Strip yourself of all clothes, morals, personality, possessions, etc.
JOHNNY: I am now, as they say, a tabula rassa.
LABEL: Bucket filled with old morals & personality
NOTE: The Chronicle would like to note that Mason's repeated use of nudity is for artistic reasons, so you're not allowed to be offended.

NARRATOR: Step 2: Acquire NEW clothes, morals, personality, possesions, etc. from whichever frat you are rushing.
JOHNNY: Sez here I now support illegal immigration and roller hockey.
NOTE: Trivia Corner - When is the next Duke Roller Hockey event? February 1st

NARRATOR: Step 3: Consume a great deal of alcohol to get rid of pesky self-respect.
JOHNNY: Where's all the hot girls like in the commercials?
LABEL: In drunken stupor!
NOTE: We here at "Johnny" do not condone drinking at all, so don't do it. And don't do drugs. And always wear a condom. And no more than 10 items if you're in the express lane. Thanks you

NARRATOR: Step 4: Rinse and repeat as necessary.
BEN: Doesn't this seem remarkably like COMMUNISM?
JOHNNY: Yes, but step three makes is as American as apple pie and Social Security!

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#45. Train of thought

January 27, 1997

NARRATOR: All aboard the train of thought...
JOHNNY: Look at all these people; sitting here thinking just like me...

NARRATOR: Pickin' up speed!
JOHNNY: What if we could see thoughts? It's just a series of electric impulses in the brain. I bet you could...

NARRATOR: What's this? Could it be a DISCOVERY? A REVELATION?
JOHNNY: WAIT!

NARRATOR: (sigh)...Derailed.
JOHNNY: I never ate LUNCH! It smells like pizza in here. I want some pizza. Man, I like pizza.

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#46. Pop culture

January 28, 1997

JOHNNY: (singing) "And isn't it ironic, doncha think" Later, Ben.
BEN: Yeah, later.

BEN: Look at him, so immersed in pop culture it's sick. He's brainwashed but he's too far gone to realize it...
LABEL: Magic thought bubbles!

BEN: I wonder how it feels to be under a spell like that, to be completely at the mercy of something, to have no mind of your own...
LABEL: Today's strip sponsored by: irony!

BEN: I can't even imagi... WHOA! I was supposed to call my girlfriend 5 MIN. ago! She'll kill me...
NOTE: If you'd like to learn more about irony, visit your local library or state assembly. - P.M.

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