Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Johnny the Mediocre Human

Comics from Duke in the '90s

Semester 2 of College

Summer '97

12 comicsFrom the beginning Most popular

#119. How to get into Duke

August 15, 1997

How to Get Into Duke! Enjoy!

NARRATOR: Step 1: Work HARD in high school, or option TWO, go to a "respected" boarding school. Either way.
JOHNNY: Here's an exorbitant amount of money. Will you vouch for my academic integrity?
BOARDING SCHOOL DUDE: Sure.

NARRATOR: Step 2: Fill out the application, including the essays. Include big words like: "alumni donations" and "unimaginable wealth".
JOHNNY: "Legacy" is a relative term, I think...

NARRATOR: Step 3: Snap out of your drunken high school senior stupor long enough to return the reply card. Be sure to check "yes" and not "no".
JOHNNY: The postal service is fun.
NARRATOR: And that's it!

NARRATOR: Note: The opinions expressed in this cartoon are not those of the Chronicle. OR the cartoonist for that matter. Actually, we don't know where we got the durned things.
JOHNNY: This strip sponsored by the national association of wordiness.

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#120. Taking a risk

August 16, 1997

JOHNNY: This is ridiculous. An incredible woman is literally 3 feet away from me. My big chance, and I do nothing.

JOHNNY: If I can't take a risk NOW, am I ever gonna?

A pause.

JOHNNY: That put things WAY too much in perspective for 3:00pm on a Wednesday.

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