Comics and posts about silliness | Johnny the Mediocre Human

Bob the pirate

NARRATOR: A character I never got to introduce: Bob the Pirate. BEN: Jen! What's the symbol for "radius" of a circle? JEN: I dunno dear... Hey! Let's ask Bob the Pirate! JEN: Bob the Pirate, what's the symbol for radius? BOB THE PIRATE: Aaaar! JEN: Really? What's the 18th letter of the alphabet? Conjugate "to be" for "they". What's the 1st person plural possessive pronoun? BOB THE PIRATE: Aaar! Aaar! Aaar! NARRATOR: Man. He could've added so much to the strip. (sigh) We'll miss ya, Bob...

Desert dementia

JOHNNY: Why's this rock ROUNDED? DR. PETER HAFF: Maybe spheroidal weathering? I'd have to look at it... JOHNNY: It's real SMOOTH, too... DR. PETER HAFF: Could be a ventifact, eroded by windblown sand... JOHNNY: Ooo! And it's PLIABLE! DR. PETER HAFF: That's... that's an old shoe. JOHNNY: Mmhmm, so you think it's sedimentary? DR. PETER HAFF: Johnny, when's the last time you had any WATER?

Dr. Pepper

BEN: I'm gonna get a Coke. D'you want anything? JOHNNY: A Dr. Pepper. JOHNNY: Hey, what if Dr. Pepper was a REAL doctor? MAN. Well, he wouldn't be a very GOOD one. JOHNNY: Cuz all he could ever say is "fizz". BEN: It's like some X-Files episode where they've SUCKED out his brain, but he keeps TALKING. JOHNNY: Mr. PIBB, I assume, just got a bachelor's degree.

Foil

BEN: Johnny, if this were all a big play, I think you'd be my FOIL. JOHNNY: So, you'd use me to wrap up SANDWICHES? A pause BEN: WHAT... why... were you ELECTROCUTED as a child? Like more than once? JOHNNY: No. But my mom says I used to eat a lot of caterpillars.

Maybe he’ll stop talking

JOHNNY: Why don't fish ever wear CONTACTS? I bet it's cuz they'd always fall off in the WATER. A pause BEN: Perhaps if I agree with him, he'll stop talking. BEN: You... you make a g-good point. JOHNNY: Plus, they have no HANDS! So how could they pick them up?

Gross Chem steps

JOHNNY: Aaah! I've already been to Gross Chem 3 times today! This is the LAST chem class I EVER take! BEN: Because of all the work required? LABEL: Bookbag! JOHNNY: No! Because of those damn steps! They're spaced all weird, they make one leg do all the work. I even think my one leg is starting to LOOK different. JOHNNY: Whaddya think? BEN: You look like Gumby and Superman had a kid and put it on a broken stairmaster.

Questioning our society

JOHNNY: You know, my sociology class has really gotten me to start questioning our society! BEN: Yeah? How so? JOHNNY: Well, like, when we say: "All men are created equal." What do we MEAN by "equal"? BEN: Interesting. And your conclusions? JOHNNY: What do you MEAN by "conclusions"? BEN: I dunno, is that really the POINT? JOHNNY: What do you MEAN by "the point"? BEN: Johnny. Just shut the #@%? up. JOHNNY: What do you men by "#@%?"?

Happy 21

BEN: Hey, happy birthday, buddy! YOU'RE 21, you know what THAT means! JOHNNY: Yup. JOHNNY: I get to vote in my 4th election! BEN: NO! No, the OTHER thing! JOHNNY: Oh YEAH! Now I'm only 44 years away from my full Social Security benefits! BEN: NO! No! LOOK, you're 21! JOHNNY: SO... you mean... if I were a woman, my sexual peak would be in 14 years? BEN: NO! Aaa! You're like some big ball of RANDOM!

Happy Thanksgiving

BEN: Here at "Johnny", we wish you all a happy Thanksgiving. JOHNNY: What a great American TRADITION! JOHNNY: At MY house, we have a family tradition where the youngest child dresses like a TURKEY and runs around outside letting the neighbors pelt him with ROTTEN FRUIT FRUIT. WHAT FUN! BEN: Are you the youngest, I assume? JOHNNY: Yes, how'd you know? BEN: Wild guess. JOHNNY: "STOP! That one hit my eye," I'd say. "NO! HA HA!" they'd say....

Ordering food

BARRISTA: Next, please. JOHNNY: Yes, I'd like an iced mocha latte with extra chocolate. JOHNNY: Oh, and NO COFFEE. BARRISTA: But that's... that's just CHOCOLATE MILK. JOHNNY: Well, WHARTEVER, I don't know all your "lingo"... also give me a portabello sandwich, hold the mushroom, extra ground beef. BARRISTA: A... a hamburger?