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Relationships

A topic in 28 comics.

Tearing Johnny apart

Apr 13, 1999

JOHNNY: Look at me! This Disney thing is tearing me APART! LABEL: Disney-issued "Big Fat Gloves" JOHNNY: My friend's have been FIRED, our comic strip CHEAPENED, I don't have a GIRLFRIEND... LABEL: Disney-issued plump bluebirds FAKE BEN: Johnny, you didn't HAVE a girlfriend. JOHNNY: I know. I was just on a ROLL. Do these gloves give you a RASH? LABEL: Disney-issued aesthetically pleasing roommate.

Staying superficial

Apr 5, 1999

JAY: Fratman, you and Sorority Girl seem to have a stable relationship. How do you do it? FRATMAN: The KEY, Jay, is staying SUPERFICIAL. Our relationship is based mainly on looks and social standing. FRATMAN: We never get to know each other well, so we avoid any messy personality conflicts. JAY: I guess... your shallowness... runs DEEP. FRATMAN: Deeper than the deepest keg of Beast Lite.

Each bring something important to the relationship

Apr 2, 1999

BEN: Do we even make SENSE, Jen? You being so PRACTICAL and me so ROMANTIC? LABEL: Post-orgo text backrub JEN: SURE we make sense! We each bring something important to the relationship. ME, I'm LEVELHEADED. I'm DEPENDABLE, RATIONAL, never MOODY... JEN: And YOU... you... whine and smoke a lot. JEN: Well, maybe some of us are more important than others... BEN: HEY!

First step to getting girls

Mar 25, 1999

JAY: I dunno, how do get girls to like you, Johnny? JOHNNY: Oh, I have a SYSTEM. The firs step is: get to be good friends with them. A pause JOHNNY: That's pretty much IT... it's not the BEST system. JAY: NO... No, it's not.

Another talk

Feb 17, 1999

JOHNNY: Jay! You made it out of the timewarp! JAY: YEAH, I had another "talk" with Jodie... JAY: I told her how I felt, and she told me how she felt, and we worked out how we feel about each other. A pause JOHNNY: So, you still have NO #@?$ing clue, huh? JAY: Not a damn one, no...

Must find way out

Feb 16, 1999

JAY: .... Must .... find .... way .... out .... of .... timewarp! A pause JAY: .... Must .... find .... it .... QUICKLY! JAY: Bladder .... apparently .... UNAFFECTED .... by .... timewarp ....

Relationship time warp

Feb 15, 1999

BEN: Hey, Jay! What's up? JAY: BEN! .... How come .... you're not .... affected by .... relationship .... time .... warp? .... BEN: Jay, I'm in a meaningful, long-term relationship at Duke University.... BEN: The laws of physics do not apply to me.

Taking it slow

Feb 12, 1999

JODIE: Jay, thanks for bringing this up. As for "us", I'm not sure, maybe we should just TAKE IT SLOW for a while. JAY: That sounds fine, Jodie. I'm... JAY: ... just... glad... .... to... ?? .... oh .... no! ..... JAY: .... Movement .... slowed! .... Laws of physics .... not working! .... .... Time and space .... bending! .... Caught .... in .... a .... a JAY: .... (shudder) .... RELATIONSHIP .... TIMEWARP!

The talk

Feb 11, 1999

    • JOHNNY: If you don’t know what’s up with this girl, have “The Talk”. Show her you’re comfortable with your emotions.
    • JAY: But I’m NOT comfortable with my emotions.
    • JOHNNY: What better thing to build a relationship on than a LIE?
    • JAY: I don’t even know if I HAVE emotions!

No big commitments

Feb 10, 1999

    • JOHNNY: What about you, Jay; are you dating anyone?
    • SOUND: push push push
    • JAY: Well, I’ve gone out a few times with this one girl. It’s cool, we get along great, but it’s not serious. We’re just playin’ it by ear. No big commitments…
    • JOHNNY: Mmm hmm…
    • SOUND: push push push
    • JOHNNY: So basically, you have no #?@*in’ clue what’s goin’ on with this girl.
    • JAY: That’s one way of phrasing it…
    • SOUND: push push push

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