Comics and posts about introduction | Johnny the Mediocre Human

Bob the pirate

NARRATOR: A character I never got to introduce: Bob the Pirate. BEN: Jen! What's the symbol for "radius" of a circle? JEN: I dunno dear... Hey! Let's ask Bob the Pirate! JEN: Bob the Pirate, what's the symbol for radius? BOB THE PIRATE: Aaaar! JEN: Really? What's the 18th letter of the alphabet? Conjugate "to be" for "they". What's the 1st person plural possessive pronoun? BOB THE PIRATE: Aaar! Aaar! Aaar! NARRATOR: Man. He could've added so much to the strip. (sigh) We'll miss ya, Bob...

Fratman and Sorority girl fall in love

FRATMAN: Buffy, I... you're just... PERFECT. From your ENCHANTED CLOGS that you superhuman fashion sense, to the aptly named, "TIGHT BLACK PANTS OF POWER"... FRATMAN: To your v-neck sweater that, although powerlfess under the teal sun of your home planet, JAYKROO, provides you with ULTRA SASSINESS under the yellow sun of the Earth! SOUND: Blush! SORORITY GIRL: AND... I have a NICE butt. FRATMAN: Which TRULY gives the "Tight Black Pants of Power" MUCH of their power, yowza.

Meet Jen

BEN: We're about to have a few strips with my girlfriend, JEN. BEN: You may WONDER why, in one and 2/3 semesters, you've never really SEEN Jen much, WELL, the answer is simple. BEN: She's a premed. JEN: I've been HIGHLIGHTING for 8 months. BEN: NOW, don't sell yourself short, you used those CLICKY PENS, too.

Fall 97 welcome back

BEN: Hello, JOHNNY, the lovable main character of the strip. JOHNNY: Hi to you, BEN, my alternative roommate who acts as a contrast to my shallow life... LABEL: UPC! JOHNNY: And hello, William, my nerdy CPS major roommate. WILLIAM: Hi, I'm using STU, my PC with budding artificial intelligence. STU: Greetings. JOHNNY: And look, it is NICK the squirrel and MO the bat who often insert their own views on Duke life. MO: Hey. JOHNNY: Say, who's up for another semester of wordy storylines, shoddy character development, and cheap Trent jokes? ALL: Viva la Keohane!

Meet Fratman

JOHNNY: Well, William, I'll have to agree with ya. We can't get no women, and we can't get no alcohol. This party's just not workin' for us. SOUND: SHAZAM! JOHNNY: Who... who are you? FRATMAN: I'm Fratman! JOHNNY: I smell a storyline! WILLIAM: I smell stale beer....

Meet Mo again

MO: Greetings riend, I am Guillermo Antonio Microchiroptera, but you, dear Chronicle patrons, you may call me "MO"... LABEL: A bat. MO: I reside up here in the chapel tower and will be joining you occasionally in this "strip" to, ah, partake in various hi-jinks and insert some of my witty comments. NARRATOR: The narrator would like to note that the term "witty" is entirely relative. MO: Hi-jinks aside, I will occasionally take time out to kick a little narrator ass... NARRATOR: I'm just not a fan of dry humor, that's a... HEY! Pu.. put me DOWN! Hey! I have my right! I...

Meet Nick and Mo

JOHNNY: Of course, "Johnny" will play host to other members of the animal kingdom as well... JOHNNY: Like our friends Mr. Squirrel and Mr. Bat here... JHONNY: Animals, despite their lack of intelligence and sophistication, are often humorous to watch and poke fun at... NICK: I wonder how the more "sophisticated" members of the strip will enjoy a walnut up-side their head at 300 mph.... MO: "MR. BAT"!?

Meet Ben

BEN: Hey, I'm, ah, Ben Romero, Johnny's roommate, and I'm supposed to, ah, introduce myself. NOTE: Surgeon General's Warning: Smoking is hazardous to people, but not cartoons BEN: So, lessee, oh, I'm a philosophy major, ah, I have a girlfriend named Jen, and uh, I don't know, I like cheese! Johnny, this is stupid! NOTE: Surg. Gen. Warning: This is because cartoons are not real. JOHNNY: What's the problem now? BEN: I dunno, it just feels weird. Not natural. Too forced. JOHNNY: Well, I'll see what I can do to make it more NATURAL for you. BEN: THanks, man. I appreciate it... JOHNNY: It pays to be in good with the artist. Yes, it does. BEN: VERY FUNNY, ah, WILLIAMS, remind me to tell your parents about the "RUTABAGA" incident next time I see 'em. LABEL: Naked! NOTE: S.G.W.: Cartoons ARE, however, anatomically correct.

Meet William

JOHNNY: This here's one of my roommates, William. JOHNNY: Ol' William here is a computer science major. Ain't that right, Will? WILLIAM: It's William. And yes. JOHNNY: Yeah, William's great. He's really, I mean, you know, he's a real.... I, uh, well, socially, I mean, WOW! It's, you know, uh... WILLIAM: I'm a @%#?/! NERD, all right, Johnny? Now can I get back to my Duke Nukem game? JOHNNY: YOU KNOW, I was TRYING to shy away from words like that...

The stats

NARRATOR: Height: 5'10". Weight: 175 lbs. Hair color: light brown. NARRATOR: GPA: 2.54. Favorite TV show: Seinfeld. Siblings: 1.73. Not a NC resident. LABEL: Slowly rotating! NARRATOR: Ethnic Makeup: 75% Caucasian, 11.4% Asian-American, 8.4% African-American, 3.7% Hispanic, 1.5% other. NARRATOR: Johnny Williams: An average Duke student. JOHNNY: Aside from the fact I'm 2-D and my eyeballs are the size of West Texas...