Comics and posts about corporations | Johnny the Mediocre Human

It’s all just you

JOHNNY: God! YOU stopped Disney from ruining the strip? GOD: Johnny, you know I don't have the legal backing to stop Disney. The whole "Disney" thing was never even true, was it? JOHNNY: Was it, Johnny? JOHNNY: You made it ALL up. In fact, everything in this strip, every character, it's all just YOU. JOHNNY: What tipped you off, God, the freakin' TITLE? GOD: Quiet you!

Wish it would go away

JOHNNY: This Disney stuff is CRAP! It's ruined my strip! I WISH IT'D ALL JUST GO AWAY! SOUND: WOOSH A pause JOHNNY: And I wish I had a million dollars. A pause JOHNNY: Damn.

Fratman and Sorority Girl get ABC show

JOHNNY: Fratman, Sorority Girl. I can't imagine Disney thinks YOU'RE PC. LABEL: Mickey overalls, yowza! FRATMAN: Johnny, the management LOVES us! Our parents went to school with them. We ARE leaving though. FRATMAN: They've asked us to host a new show on ABC. It's a cross between a home video show and a college drama. FRATMAN: "America's Funniest Hook-ups"! SORORITY GIRL: I'm also hosting a nature show called "When Charge Cards Attack"!

New STU

JOHNNY: STU! YOU haven't changed! At least YOU'RE still here to provide your smart yet naive spin on things! STU: No, Johnny. They replaced my artificial intelligence with various Disney greeting card programs. JOHNNY: So you can't say ANYTHING funny or quaint?! STU: Not unless it involves the words: "Mulan", "Simba", or "Happy Anniversary", no... JOHNNY: No, how could THAT ever be funny? LABEL: Hey kids, it's ironic. Or IS it?

Tearing Johnny apart

JOHNNY: Look at me! This Disney thing is tearing me APART! LABEL: Disney-issued "Big Fat Gloves" JOHNNY: My friend's have been FIRED, our comic strip CHEAPENED, I don't have a GIRLFRIEND... LABEL: Disney-issued plump bluebirds FAKE BEN: Johnny, you didn't HAVE a girlfriend. JOHNNY: I know. I was just on a ROLL. Do these gloves give you a RASH? LABEL: Disney-issued aesthetically pleasing roommate.

Less Duke-centric

JOHNNY: Jay, here're the top ten better places to live than TRENT: 1. ON the Mongolian Grill, 2. Bill Burig's navel, 3. Two words: lemur dung, 4. the... DIRECTOR: OK! CUT! Cut, people! Johnny, I'm Mike from Disney. To give the strip a BROADER appeal, we're replacing all "Duke" references with vague PRONOUNS. JOHNNY: Um... oh, OK. DIRECTOR: GREAT! OK, take 2, people! JOHNNY: Um, Jay, here's the top ten better places to live than, uh, THERE: 1. Um... THERE, UH, 2. in HIS navel, 3. um... uh, animal crap... 4. THERE, oh, just forget it...

Bought by Disney

JOHNNY: So it's Disney, Ben, DISNEY. I can't believe what they've turned this strip into. BEN: I dunno, Johnny, before the changes: I had a GIRL, a cool HAIRDO, the world was my oyster. But I was always DEPRESSED. BEN: But NOT, they've fired Jen, my life is a SHAMBLES, and yet... my DEPRESSION is... gone. BEN: I think unhappiness... makes me happy. JOHNNY: WOW. Some lucky psych major's gonna get a master's thesis outta you...

Happy Nick and Mo

JOHNNY: Mo! Nick! Why do you guys look so DAMN happy? MO: We're not really happy, Johnny. It's the management. MO: They strapped these things to our heads to make us look CUTER, said we'd be more marketable. NICK: And they rubbed raw eggs on me to make my fur shiny. JOHNNY: WAIT. Cute, furry animals? Cleancut, marketable characters? Oh, my GOD! JOHNNY: We've been bought by DISNEY! NICK: Johnny, you got any VISINE? I haven't blinked in 74 hours...

Ben’s new look

JOHNNY: Ben! Your hair! Your goatee! What happened! BEN: The new management gave me a "new look". I can't smoke now either... JOHNNY: What's with these people?! They're changing this whole strip! BEN: They gave me these "patches" insTEAD. JOHNNY: Ohmigod, Ben, doncha see what's happening?! SOUND: click JOHNNY: The plot it's THICKENING! BEN: How'm I supposed to light these?

No punchline

BEN: Hey, where's Jen, we're supposed to do the cartoon together today. JOHNNY: Didn't you hear? The new owners, they fired her. JOHNNY: The whole strip was bought out by some big corporation. They're overhauling the whole thing. They've even suspended all punchlines till they've made their changes. BEN: How can you have a cartoon with no PUNCHLINE? A pause