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How to solve algebra problems
- The All NEW (Occasionally Sans Title) Adventures of Johnny, the Mediocre Sophomore
- Cut Out & Save! THIS WEEK ONLY! For the Kids: A 4-Step Way to Solve Any Algebra Problem! An Instructional Cartoon!
- NARRATOR: STEP 1: Stare at the problem for 5-10 minutes. Try to look like you’re thinking hard, but don’t actually think or your brain may explode. (Really. I’ve seen it happen. Very messy.)
- NARRATOR: STEP 2: Cross out all the letters in the problem. They will only confuse you and, even worse, could lead to THINKING. (See Step 1)
- NARRATOR: STEP 3: Add all remaining numbers together. Remember to use a calculator to avoid thinking. (Use the biggest one you can find. Remember, the bigger the calculator, the higher the grade.)
- JOHNNY: So how do you turn it on?
- NARRATOR: STEP 4: Go to the clinic until math class is over. Well, that’s it, kids! Have fun and HAPPY ALGEBRATING!
- JOHNNY: I’m dying. Look, my tongue is blue.
- NURSE: Oh, I didn’t realize Blow Pops were fatal.